New research on the implanting of false memories suggests the possibility that at least some gaslighting reflects a real memory failure. Understanding the frailty of memory can help you decide whether a person you usually trust could be making a simple error of forgetting.
Victims of gaslighting can experience loss of memory
Memory loss is often experienced by victims of gaslighting as a direct result of their reality being hijacked by the gaslighting.
Gaslighting over time
You might lose your sense of identity perception and worth or feel inferior and confused. This is because the foundations of who you are being undermined. This can make you debilitated by your own fear and vulnerability. It can also lead to high levels of anxiety, depression and even breakdowns.
Gaslighting may lead a person to develop mental health concerns. The constant self-doubt and confusion can contribute to anxiety. A person's hopelessness and low self-esteem may lead to depression. Posttraumatic stress and codependency are also common developments.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
Along with questioning their own reality and beliefs, gaslighting victims often feel isolated and powerless. Gaslighting abuse symptoms also include low self-esteem, disorientation, self-doubt, and difficulty functioning in school, at work, or in social situations.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Survivors of gaslighting relationships reported a diminished sense of self, increased guardedness, and increased mistrust of others long after the relationship ended. Some participants reported that they had not recovered from their gaslighting relationships.
Over time, it can also cause more severe problems to the person being gaslighted, including depression, PTSD, feelings of helplessness and a condition called brain fog where people are unable to make decisions. These may continue even if the person is no longer in that particular gaslighting relationship.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
Gaslighting in a relationship is about power, domination, and often fear of losing control. Often a gaslighter will use some of the following tactics to maintain control over their partner: They use their love as a defense for their actions.
Signs of gaslighting
They may trust the abusive person or believe that they truly do have a poor memory. However, if a person often feels unsure, second-guesses themselves, or relies on someone else to confirm their memories or help them make simple decisions, this may be due to gaslighting.
You might even feel nervous or afraid to say things, lest the abuser retaliates or no one believes you. Gaslighting can lead to psychological disorders such as anxiety, depression or even psychosis.
A gaslighter is often someone in a position of power and can range from a boss to a coworker to even a client or competitor. Gaslighters are often very intelligent, says Connecticut-based psychotherapist Dori Gatter, PsyD.
If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior. However, if they're unwilling to recognize the pattern then the pattern is unlikely to change.
Some of the most common reasons people gaslight are:
They have a desire to be in control. They use gaslighting to stop conflict. They use it to deflect their personal responsibility. They want to keep a people pleaser partner trying to please.
A genuine apology involves taking responsibility for one's actions and expressing remorse for the harm that was caused. A gaslighter who is truly sorry for their behavior will acknowledge the impact of their words or actions on the person they have hurt and will make an effort to change their behavior in the future.
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection. For example, Spinelli says a gaslighting parent might blame their child for their own mistakes, or an abusive partner could somehow blame the victim for the abuse.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia.
Those experiencing gaslighting may often feel confused about their version of reality, experience anxiety, or be unable to trust themselves. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that undermines an individual's perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.