Put simply, fear is forced, while respect is earned. The cultural misconception that if children fear parents, respect will come naturally is simply false.
The adjective reverential comes close to implying worship — a devoutly religious person feels reverential toward God, for example. It's rooted in the Latin word reverentia, "awe or respect," from revereri, "to stand in awe of, fear, or be afraid of." Definitions of reverential.
Fear can be difficult to pinpoint, but, often, if it's having an influence on the organization, it can be found coming from those in leadership positions. The inverse of leading by fear is leading by respect.
Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they're different from you or you don't agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing. Respect doesn't have to come naturally – it is something you learn.
“Respect is earned and is never just given. BUT, you must give respect to receive respect.” This pretty succinctly sums up the paradoxical relationship our culture has with giving and receiving respect. In essence, respect is “never just given [to you]”, but to earn respect you must give it.
People earn respect by always being ready to lend a hand or an ear whenever they're needed or notice an opportunity to help. Look for opportunities to help that you might have previously overlooked. Take responsibility and do things without waiting for someone to ask for assistance.
In the case of the word "fear" it can mean "to be afraid, have a feeling of terror," etc. But there is also a wonderful definition to this word and that is "to have reverence or respect" for something or someone.
The 'fight or flight' response is how people sometimes refer to our body's automatic reactions to fear. There are actually 5 of these common responses, including 'freeze', 'flop' and 'friend', as well as 'fight' or 'flight'.
Fear can interrupt processes in our brains that allow us to regulate emotions, read non-verbal cues and other information presented to us, reflect before acting, and act ethically. This impacts our thinking and decision-making in negative ways, leaving us susceptible to intense emotions and impulsive reactions.
Niccolò Machiavelli was a political theorist from the Renaissance period. In his most notable work, The Prince, he writes, "It is better to be feared than to be loved, if one cannot be both." He argues that fear is a better motivator than love, which is why it is the more effective tool for leaders.
Fear based leadership may work in the short run. It may help you sustain your power and even get things done. However, in the long run, fear based leadership style leads to a lot of harm. It not only discourages people to develop loyalty towards you or your brand, but it also makes them lose respect for you.
Embrace fear
Acknowledge that it has come to teach you something and allow you to grow. Thank the fear for showing up for you. Fear is used to being shut out and hidden, not embraced. Once you do this, that fear will start to soften, it will lose more power, and you will ultimately disarm it.
The Four Fear Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn.
It is programmed into the nervous system and works like an instinct. From the time we're infants, we are equipped with the survival instincts necessary to respond with fear when we sense danger or feel unsafe. Fear helps protect us. It makes us alert to danger and prepares us to deal with it.
Fear starts in the part of the brain called the amygdala. According to Smithsonian Magazine, “A threat stimulus, such as the sight of a predator, triggers a fear response in the amygdala, which activates areas involved in preparation for motor functions involved in fight or flight.
Fear gives you a natural high and a sense of empowerment.
Not only is adrenaline released when you feel fear but other chemicals as well, such as dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin and serotonin. There's a good reason for that: serotonin, in particular, helps your brain to work more efficiently. Fear is energy.
Respect begins with oneself
We expect to be listened to and respected, and we generally are. In contrast, some of us can lack self-confidence and under-value ourselves. This can negatively impact our ability to form relationships and engage effectively with others.
Forced respect through fear is not real respect. True respect is earned and given willingly.
Fear may trigger anger out of the innate human instinct for self-defense. When someone feels threatened, they may initially fear the possible validity of the issued threat and subsequent harm which could follow. However, in many scenarios, anger may follow or even override fear.
Another reason why people disrespect you is that you don't preach what you say. When you advise someone about something and ask them to follow it or even if you comment about something and don't follow the same thing in your life and activities then people take your words casually and do not respect you.