Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling desperate and devastated. This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a breakup may occur. This network often includes a mental health professional.
Ending a relationship can be difficult and challenging for anyone, but it can be especially difficult for individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to move through a break up.
Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
It's hard to fully explain just how out of control and broken you can feel during this process unless you are familiar with the intense emotional tug of war that happens with BPD. Sadly, it usually becomes toxic, both for you and the other person, and too often it ends in tears and regrets.
Getting over someone with a personality disorder is supposed to be harder because of the heightened emotion of the relationship itself. The love bombing and constant affirmation is easy to miss, especially when that person made you feel like they were your soulmate.
A person with borderline personality disorder tends to anxiously avoid being separated from or abandoned by people they care about. They might go to extreme lengths such as stalking people they care about through tracking their phone or following them.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
Loneliness may be common with BPD, but it's not impossible to overcome. There are many strategies you can use to feel less alone, such as joining a support group, taking classes, caring for an animal, and finding new ways to communicate with your loved ones. You may also want to consider engaging in therapy.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
Many issues may arise when a relationship in which one partner has BPD ends. Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling desperate and devastated. This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a breakup may occur.
However, it is important to note that some couples may stay together for over 20 years, whereas other anecdotal evidence from personal experiences suggests that relationships lasting between 2-4 years are more common.
The effects of BPD in intimate relationships. People affected by BPD often have highly unstable intimate relationships. Usually of above average intelligence, they tend to fall in love easily, sometimes without getting to know the person.
People with and without BPD can fall in and out of love all the time. However, falling out of love rapidly is definitely in line with the tendency to “split” the world into good and bad, loved and unloved, all or nothing.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
In fact, breaking up may be a part of a borderline personality relationship cycle that people can find themselves in. Because people with BPD have a hard time understanding themselves and others, they may act impulsively out of fear, jealousy, or rage.
The likelihood of your BPD ex coming back is dependent on the severity of their BPD symptoms, their motivation, and the dynamic of your relationship.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance.
Treating Borderline Personality Disorder
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
The only pairing I have seen that works well for and is healing for people with BPD is when they find a partner who is emotionally present, consistently faithful and loyal, unconditionally loving, but also sets boundaries. People with BPD can find rejecting partners and codependent partners fairly easily.
In such a dark and troubling world, can having too much love be a bad thing? If you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), then often the answer is yes. The balance between caring for someone as a loved one, and being utterly consumed by their well-being, can be a blurred line for people with BPD.
People with BPD are so loyal. We love our friends, and we always come back to them, even if we get upset sometimes. I know with some, especially with those who have been or are my “favorite person,” I can often get worked up about little things.
The quick changing nature of BPD symptoms (e.g., emotional peaks and valleys) can lead to conflict-filled, chaotic relationships that may develop into toxic relationships.