People with BPD see their favorite person as someone they can't live without. “People with BPD often find themselves placing their attention on one specific person. This person may be a friend, family member, or romantic partner.
Absolutely! BPD comes with a lot of hardships but, with time and effort, you can learn coping skills that will make them a lot easier to manage. Becoming easily attached to people is a legitimate struggle, especially if they reach 'favorite person' status as is common with BPD.
Feelings of obsessive love may also be linked to better-known conditions such as BPD, relationship OCD, and erotomania. Limiting contact with the object of your obsession and working to build a healthy sense of self-worth may reduce your romantic fixation.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
The answer to this often depends on who ended the relationship, regardless of what the relationship was. If you ended it, after maybe obsessing about you for a short period prior to a replacement being found, they probably think about you from time to time, in spurts, just like a Non might.
A person with borderline personality disorder tends to anxiously avoid being separated from or abandoned by people they care about. They might go to extreme lengths such as stalking people they care about through tracking their phone or following them.
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
Some obsessions can stem from an experience with someone that affects an individual so much that they become fanatical about that person. This condition – often referred to as an “obsessive love disorder” (OLD)– occurs when someone mistakes feelings of obsession for feelings of love.
Second Stage of a BPD Relationship: Obsessive Neediness
This stage is where the tone of the relationship begins to shift to more dysfunctional tendencies. The BPD sufferer may start to become irritable and nit-pick over anything they perceive as negative behaviour aimed at them.
What is Obsessive Love Disorder? Obsessive Love Disorder is a psychological condition that presents as an overwhelming, obsessive desire to protect and possess another person. Often an inability to accept rejection further contributes to an unhealthy love relationship.
A person with BPD may fall in love quickly and assume that the other person will make them happy.
When individuals with BPD start a relationship, the attachment system becomes initially activated. They easily idealize a new attachment figure, as they did with the parent. They attach with the intense and overwhelming need for affection that they felt as children and was never fully (or not at all) met.
Roberts highlights the fact that this condition often, “results from not receiving validation of their emotional experiences by caregivers.” In reaction to this, a person with BPD may conjure a close connection with a favorite person who becomes the object of their attention, adoration, and sometimes even indifference.
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
Myth #5: People with BPD are unsuitable for intimate relationships. Fact: People with BPD have many positive things to contribute to fulfilling relationships. When trust and love has developed within a relationship, people with BPD can show high loyalty and trustworthiness.
They do care about family and friends but find it difficult not to act selfishly when experiencing their own heightened emotions. They do want to change, but it is so hard.
"People with BPD have a tendency to view people, and themselves, in very black or white terms," Dr. Miari said. "They tend to idolize people in certain situations and then devalue them very quickly." That makes it hard for them to stick with not only romantic partners but also career choices and friend groups.
Physical touch can be interpreted as a sign of intimacy and closeness. For someone with BPD, who struggles with a fear of abandonment, touch might stir up feelings of vulnerability and fear, leading to avoiding physical contact.
The reason why these personality types are attracted to one another is they magnetise. Each one helps the other play out their individual drama by fulfilling their needs.
A person with BPD can go from loving and adoring you (idealization) to being furious and “hating” you (devaluation) in a matter of hours. Even when they do “hate” you, they will still carry an overwhelming fear that you will abandon them.
People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love. Unstable emotions often lead to unstable relationships, while black-and-white thinking may make a person with BPD push people away when there is evidence their partner has flaws.
A fear of abandonment is central to BPD. That can present obvious problems in a relationship, especially when you're just getting to know someone and have no idea where things are heading. Unfortunately, intense fear can lead to your partner being clingy or making unreasonable demands on your time.