The biggest shock to ADHD relationships comes with the transition from courtship to marriage. Typically, a person with ADHD hyperfocuses on their partner in the early stages of a dating. They makes them feel like the center of their world. When the hyperfocus stops, the relationship changes dramatically.
But unlike the calculated manipulation that's part of the gaslighting cycle, when an infatuated adult with ADHD focuses 110 percent of their attention on a new partner, this obsession may be neurological rather than psychological. It may not be intentional “love bombing” at all.
One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections. How the non-ADHD partner often feels: Unwanted or unloved. The lack of attention is interpreted as lack of interest rather than distraction.
Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner. But your marriage or relationship can thrive with proper treatment and tactics to ward off misunderstandings.
However, hyperfocus may also manifest in relationships in the form of an obsessive interest in or adoration of a partner. And like other types of hyperfocus, it can abruptly end and turn into boredom and inattention. This can leave a partner feeling abandoned, confused and bereft.
Intense emotions and hyperfocus
When teens with ADHD fall in love, the good — and bad — feelings that come with it can be even more intense and more disruptive. New relationships or crushes are exciting and (mostly) enjoyable. But for kids with ADHD, that excitement and enjoyment can sometimes go too far.
Toxic relationships hound many people with ADHD, whose persistent symptoms and battered self-esteem make them especially susceptible to “love bombing,” “trauma bonding,” and other romantic red flags. Here, learn how to spot signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet. And after a lifetime of criticism for their ADHD faults, they need for their partners to recognize these good qualities — and vice versa, for that matter.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
When someone with ADHD falls in love for the first time, they can experience more intense emotions than those who do not have ADHD. These people “might feel a deep sense of intimacy and acceptance” when they first fall in love.
Successful relationships rely on consistently bringing our focus and attention to our partner. We demonstrate that we care when we interact, listen well, and support our partners. For many people affected by ADHD, key symptoms like inattention, forgetfulness, and disorganization negatively affect their relationships.
ADHD can make you feel angry or lonely. These emotions may feel draining and sap your interest in sex. Symptoms of ADHD can also cause relationship issues that make it harder for you and your partner to enjoy intimacy. For example, mood swings may make you more prone to arguing.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc. Disrespectful. Financial abuse or dishonesty.
In one study, researchers found that people with self-reported ADHD symptoms earned lower scores for affective empathy compared to other participants. However, they were still within the range of what's considered typical for empathy levels overall.
Obsessing and ruminating are often part of living with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). No matter how hard you try to ignore them, those negative thoughts just keep coming back, replaying themselves in an infinite loop. You know it's not healthy, but you can't seem to stop yourself.
The ADHD brain does not tolerate boredom well. ADHD and relationships can mean that once you move past the exciting romantic stage into the steady phase, you might find yourself chomping at the bit. Or, worse, sabotaging all and breaking up. The same can happen with friendships.
“Opposites Attract”: People with ADHD are attracted to “organized” and joyless workers bees who can keep the trains running for the both of them and who in turn are drawn to their free-spirited ADHD partner's spontaneity and sense of fun.
A person with ADHD often seeks out a partner whose natural skills include organization and attention to detail. If that's yoau, it may feel "normal" for you to jump in and help out where there is a need because you are good at it.
Impulsive behavior
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
As daydreaming is often regarded as inattention, it's commonly associated with ADHD, but excessive daydreaming is also a sign of a condition called maladaptive daydreaming. This too is highly common for students with ADHD.
Thereby, individuals with ADHD reported significantly more often about a wide range of hypersexual fantasies and behaviors in comparison to individuals without ADHD.
Adults diagnosed with ADHD often blame themselves for their problems or view themselves in a negative light. This can lead to self-esteem issues, anxiety, or depression.
People with ADHD tend to be forgetful, impulsive, and/or inattentive, which can complicate how well we adhere to the etiquette of texting. In other words, we're more likely to ghost our friends, but completely by accident.