Yes, many people do get over affairs, either by rebuilding their marriage to be stronger or by moving on, but it's a painful, lengthy process that varies greatly; healing involves acknowledging the trauma, rebuilding trust (if staying), and managing triggers, with success depending heavily on both partners' commitment to repair or separation.
On average, affairs usually end within 6 months to 2 years.
A Rough Timeline. People need to understand that it takes at least two years for the shock waves of the infidelity to subside. That doesn't mean it's all bad for two years. In fact, couples may find they're doing better than ever during that period, but, at any given moment, reminders and triggers can still occur.
After all the secrecy and lying that usually comes with having an affair, very few unfaithful persons tell the whole truth when just beginning to answer their spouse's questions. If they actually choose to talk about the affair at all. If they do, information usually comes out in dribs and drabs (trickle truth).
If you both have faith that things can be rebuilt if you're both willing to work on the faults in yourselves and the relationships, then there is nothing you can't accomplish together. But you shouldn't think of it as “going back to normal.” This phrasing tends to trick you into repeating past mistakes.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and PTSD-like symptoms
The betrayed partner may experience nightmares about the infidelity, repeatedly reliving pain and shock. They may also find intrusive thoughts, constantly ruminating over the betrayal and the loss of physical intimacy in their primary relationship.
There isn't one single "best" predictor of cheating; rather, it's a combination of factors, with relationship dissatisfaction, low sexual satisfaction, mismatched sexual desire, and poor communication being the strongest predictors, often alongside individual traits like insecure attachment styles, impulsivity, and a history of infidelity. Ultimately, a lack of emotional connection and unresolved relationship issues significantly increase the risk, according to this Psychology Today article, this National Institutes of Health article, and this Medium article.
Mistakes After Infidelity: What To Avoid After Cheating Happens To You
In one camp, you have those who believe someone who truly loves their partner wouldn't cheat due to the pain and embarrassment that discovery would cause them. In the other are those who maintain that, yes, someone can cheat on a partner they love under certain circumstances.
Although not everyone experiences each stage and they can occur in any order, these stages are:
Statistics also show that once discovered, affairs usually run their course between 6-24 months (Taibbi, 2020). But too often an unfaithful partner will continue to see or contact their lover after the affair has been discovered (Macleod, 2021).
Six ways to stop overthinking after being cheated on
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
Men still cheat more than women overall, but the gender gap is narrowing among younger generations. Infidelity rates peak at different age ranges for men (60-69) and women (50-59), showing age-specific patterns. Both psychological factors and relationship dynamics influence cheating behavior across all demographics.
How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond. Some even last for a lifetime.
Establishing Open Communication
Perhaps the most important part of healing a relationship after cheating is to maintain a healthy relationship through open and honest communication with your partner. Be open to letting them know where you are, who you are with etc., until a foundation of trust can begin to reform.
My view is that when your well-being, safety, and sense of self are at risk, it's not just okay to walk away—it's necessary. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space—one where you are respected, valued, and emotionally supported.
Phase 3: Second wave of anger after cheating
The memories of the betrayal, lying and cheating will flatten your feelings towards your husband or wife and create anger, frustration, anxiety and strong mental pain. You are furious because your spouse cheated on you and lied to you.
Previous litera- ture has identified characteristics of the partner involved in infidelity; this study investigates the Big Five personal- ity traits (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism) of uninvolved partners.
The 7-7-7 rule is a structured method for couples to regularly reconnect, involving a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a kid-free vacation every 7 months.
Reasons People Have Affairs:
The other woman often has to navigate a double life, where friends and family are unaware of her secret love. She may also live with guilt, the constant fear of the affair being exposed and the desire and longing for this relationship to be embraced like a normal relationship.
Betrayal triggers our nervous system's threat response, flooding our body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This explains why betrayal can lead to physical symptoms, including difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, rapid heartbeat, digestive issues, and chronic tension.
Cheating is an active choice people make when they feel something is missing in their lives or within them. Cheating, in its many forms, is always ego-driven i.e., people cheat for selfish reasons, not because of their partner. It's often a combination of factors like low self-esteem, dissatisfaction, and opportunity.