Here's a lay description of how it works: The narcissist does not truly trust others in close relationships. Because the narcissist does not trust others, he (Note: you could just as easily change the pronoun to she) refuses to put himself in a position where he feels vulnerable.
Despite the widely held assumption that narcissists do not trust others, they are ready to view themselves as trustworthy when they engage in communal self-enhancement. Most correlational studies on narcissism and distrust did not measure convictions about others but rather self-perception.
Narcissists can and do love, but their love tends to be superficial and fleeting. They can develop intense emotional attachments—even appearing to "fall in love"—and yet still maintain a complete lack of empathy for the object of their affection.
In the existing literature, narcissism is characterized by a lack of trust in others (Kwiatkowska et al., 2019; Poggi et al., 2019; Szymczak et al., 2020). However, these studies mainly examined the trust belief and less regarded trust behavior. In addition, trust belief can shape one's trust behavior (Fehr, 2009).
And vulnerable narcissists, who freely admit to feeling bad about themselves, are not exaggerating; they really do feel bad about themselves. In general, then, narcissists seem to be pretty honest when they tell you how they're feeling.
Narcissists tend to be focused on themselves and their own needs, and they don't typically value commitment or loyalty. In many cases, a narcissist may only be committed to acquired things, such as money, or a certain lifestyle – but not another person.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Narcissists value fame, beauty, and success more than relationships. Sure, they date and have friends and often these relationships start out exciting — but fizzle quickly. “People who are narcissistic should have a trail of bad relationships behind them,” Campbell said.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. The cause is likely complex. Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to: Environment — parent-child relationships with either too much adoration or too much criticism that don't match the child's actual experiences and achievements.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people. “They are number one in their lives.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
Narcissists look like they are cut out for this. Do narcissists only want power in their relationships? No. As our study shows, many narcissists also want to love and be loved as much as non-narcissists do.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
A common misconception is that narcissists go for the weak, because they are easier to manipulate. In fact, narcissists prefer to try and hook someone in who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire. That way, they feel more accomplished if they succeed in tearing them down.