In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
Acts of service, words of affirmation, giving and receiving gifts, physical touch, and spending quality time are five types of endearment identified by Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages.
Sporadic bursts of interest are arguably the most toxic love language as it leaves us wanting more. Psychologically speaking, it creates cravings for attention BECAUSE we don't know when we're going to receive affection from the other person.
Signs a Narcissist Loves You
They will treat you with respect. They will listen to your feelings. They will respect your boundaries. They will take responsibility for their actions.
Truth 1: Narcissists fall in love with their fantasy of you.
They fall in love with their projections of whomever they currently idealize as the perfect mate. They can sound convincingly in love, but that is because they temporarily believe in the fantasy version of you created in their mind.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Attention-seeking behavior—positive or negative—is essentially narcissistic supply. Wanting attention, accolades, and validation are not inherently narcissistic. We all need to feel heard and accepted, but narcissists crave this attention constantly.
Narcissists are attracted to certain types of people. Rather than weak, vulnerable people, they tend to go for the strong-willed and talented. They are also attracted to people who reflect well on themselves.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Gift-giving is often misunderstood as a materialistic love language. People who primarily speak the love language of gifts are often labeled as superficial or materialistic. However, there is a deeper meaning behind this love language that goes beyond the physical gift itself.
The most common love language for teens based on Dr. Chapman is quality time followed closely by words of affirmation and physical touch. Gift-giving and acts of service are the two most uncommon love languages for teens.
The least common of the love languages (again, only by a small margin) is receiving gifts. Of the five, this one in particular gets a bad rap. Just because receiving a gift makes your partner feel loved doesn't mean they are superficial or materialistic.
There is no grand list of specific phrases narcissists use, but there are common phrases to look out for like, “My exes are all crazy,” and, “You're too sensitive,” as well as a host of manipulation tactics to try to control you.
There are many words people high in narcissism don't want to hear, but perhaps the worst involve a “no,” as in “No, you can't," "No, you're wrong," or — even worse — “No, I won't.” This makes it difficult to go about your ordinary business with the people in your life who don't understand the give-and-take of normal ...
New research examines the link between narcissism and respecting one's partner. Narcissists who inflate their own self-view by enjoying others' failures tend not to give their partners enough respect. Not all narcissistic self-inflation strategies are associated with less respect for a partner.
In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce. So, what's the reason for this high rate of divorce involving this one personality type?
Can a narcissist have a happy marriage? Unfortunately, the answer is almost always “no.” The photos and the couple's public behavior show one thing, while something much less appealing is going on behind the scenes.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
A key trait of narcissists is confidence – they are attractive because they think of themselves as attractive. They believe in their own value, so this confidence and charisma become qualities that pull others in, that makes them the life and soul of the party.
People with narcissistic personality disorders share similar traits with addicts, and both types of narcissistic personality disorder may lead to addiction. Many people with narcissism may also have an addiction to alcohol, sex, drugs, or social media.