The narcissist is unable to feel love, affection, or genuine care for anyone but themselves. If they claim to be feeling grief, what they are actually feeling is the loss of attention, catering, and focus on them. The victim was not just alone in the relationship; they are now alone in their grief.
Grief and the Narcissistic Personality
Narcissists deal with loss and grief just like anyone else. Their emotions and loss responses are sometimes a bit more complex, but suffering still affects them and disrupts their lives and schedules like everyone else's.
In short, we feel objectified. Losing the narcissist is no different to any other major loss in life. It provokes a cycle of bereavement and grief (as well as some kind of mild post traumatic stress syndrome in cases of severe abuse). This cycle has four phases: denial, rage, sadness and acceptance.
They may feel helpless, shamed, or humiliated, and they may feel anger or blame themselves for the loss. In some cases, time helps heal people's narcissistic injuries over a loss, Frosch continued. In others, it does not. People may become permanently aggrieved.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
For the person on the receiving end, someone experiencing a narcissistic collapse may look out of control, extremely angry, and vindictive. In some cases, it may look like someone withdrawing altogether and giving them the silent treatment.
MD. Narcissistic collapse happens when someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can no longer uphold their grandiose, confident image. When this occurs, they feel profoundly threatened. As a result, they tend to become enraged, resulting in impulsive behavior, intense lashing out, or hurting other people.
Narcissists are notorious for having extreme reactions, and the way they respond to divorce can be apocalyptic. Even if the narcissist wanted the divorce, the fact that the marriage ended tarnishes their image and makes them feel shame.
The results showed that the narcissism-empathy link is not “all or nothing,” and is more nuanced than some might think. Narcissistic individuals have both lower Cognitive and Affective Empathy, at least when they are asked to self-report about their general empathic tendencies.
The narcissist is unable to feel love, affection, or genuine care for anyone but themselves. If they claim to be feeling grief, what they are actually feeling is the loss of attention, catering, and focus on them. The victim was not just alone in the relationship; they are now alone in their grief.
Most narcissists will be living alone by the end of their middle age. Most of their family and friends would have abandoned them. Research finds that aging narcissists who had higher degrees of vanity in their youth end up in unstable, toxic relationships.
Narcissistic mortification, is, therefore, a sudden sense of defeat and loss of control over internal or external objects or realities, caused by an aggressing person or a compulsive trait or behavior.
Go ahead and feel sympathy from a distance and empathy from another continent, but do not tell yourself that you are “the one” to heal the narcissist. The narcissist cannot and will never love you as you need and deserve to be loved. S/he will harm your children and larger family.
People with narcissism can, in fact, show empathy and work to develop it further if they choose to do so. Many myths about narcissism stem from the belief that all people with this condition are evil and incapable of change, but that just isn't true.
Narcissistic traits are most often self-serving rather than altruistic, but the person can still feel emotions. People with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits may laugh and cry like everyone else, though they may have different reasons for doing so.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
They will attempt to find ways to control the ex-spouse even after the divorce is final. This is much easier to do if there are children from the marriage. A narcissist will work over-time attempting to control the ex-spouse through child support, visitation time, and co-parenting decisions.
To defend against shame.
Narcissists want a perfect image, and divorce signals the world that they have a big spot on their record. If they were to acknowledge their part in the devolution of the marriage, they would bump up against the shame of being a normal, flawed human.
Exhaustion plays a major role in the mini-cycles. His energy depleted, his creativity at its end, his resources stretched to the maximum, the narcissist reposes, "plays dead", withdraws from life. This is the phase of "narcissistic hibernation".
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.