A Narcissist's Gift to You is Really a Gift to Herself Specifically, narcissists give gifts with an eye to maintaining a relationship with the giver and to maintaining control in that relationship.
The narcissist will never be happy with your gift. 2. This will never change. Here are the common scenarios you will encounter when exchanging gifts with a narcissist, as detailed in my book, Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People — and Break Free.
Narcissists don't give gifts like normal people. When a normal person gives a gift, they generally think about the person that they are getting it for and they put thought and care and meaning behind every gift. But we have to remember that narcissists don't really know you.
To narcissists, spending large amounts of money on others can be a way to get people to like them. They may be stingy in private, for example, but cover dinner for colleagues or give gifts just for show.
Narcissists believe that they deserve the best, regardless of cost. Hence, they may recklessly purchase status items and indulge in expensive experiences to make them feel like VIPs. Narcissists may donate generously to a cause or to helping others out in order to reflect well on themselves.
Specifically, narcissists give gifts with an eye to maintaining a relationship with the giver and to maintaining control in that relationship. You don't get expensive gifts from a narcissist because they think you are awesome; you get valuable gifts because they want you to continue to think that they are awesome.
Over time, people in long-term relationships of any kind with narcissists may feel tense as that person's birthday approaches." On the other end of the spectrum, however, there are narcissists who don't like their birthdays because they are reminders of ageing, or they find them overly emotional.
They're stingy with money
In other words, if a narcissist spends money on you, it's because they want something from you. Whether it's complimenting them, offering friendship, providing a loan, or giving them a place to crash.
Specifically, narcissists give gifts with an eye to maintaining a relationship with the giver and to maintaining control in that relationship. You don't get expensive gifts from a narcissist because they think you are awesome; you get valuable gifts because they want you to continue to think that they are awesome.
Narcissists are some of the most generous people you will ever meet. In many ways, they define themselves by how well they are able to please others, since it reflects back on being able to please themselves. Narcissists require a lot of gratitude and positive feedback.
They demand respect, and give none in return. For a narcissist, their needs must always be put first, and they will never reciprocate those feelings for anyone else. The world revolves around them, and everyone who happens to be part of that world should go along with it.
Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
Narcissists run the opposite way from gratitude.
There is this messed-up idea in the world of the narcissist that gratitude is a sign of weakness. To a narcissist, they are giving up control over you the moment they express their gratitude. He/she may think they owe someone something out of duty if he/she is grateful.
Hiding assets.
Narcissists don't care what's fair. They go to great pains to hide marital assets, sometimes setting up secret accounts, “lending” money to friends, or stashing cash in safe-deposit boxes. Because they're so grandiose, they don't believe they'll ever get caught.
Narcissists take everything so personally because underneath their grandiose bravado lurks profound self-loathing—they need to be shored up by constant external praise. Their fuel is admiration, and they need you to reflect their magnificence because they truly don't feel it themselves.
Narcissists are attracted to certain types of people. Rather than weak, vulnerable people, they tend to go for the strong-willed and talented. They are also attracted to people who reflect well on themselves.
Narcissists have a hard time celebrating the big events of others. If there's a holiday gathering on the calendar, they will try to make themselves the center of attention through whatever means most natural and effective. Narcissists feel that holidays steal the spotlight that they, themselves, should own.
Narcissists have a tendency to practice seasonal devalue and discard during the holidays, focusing these abuse tactics on their nearest targets and closest partners. Why do they do this? Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
One of the weird things narcissists do involves destroying your happiness and relaxing moments. They will purposefully do things to prevent you from doing something as simple as sleep. Even if you had a long day or are sick, a narcissist may start a fight while you are trying to sleep.