Many narcissistic parents use their children as friends, doctors, or therapists. They may even praise the child for being such a “great listener” to reinforce this behavior. That said, children are not emotionally equipped to handle adult problems even if they are mature.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
The narcissist parent sees their child merely as a possession who can be used to further their own self-interests. They often have issues with boundaries, both physically and emotionally, and unload a lot of emotional baggage onto their kids.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
In many instances, children suffered abuse from their NPD parent, and may have even developed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
Narcissistic parents often cannot cope with complex relationships and may "replace" the child as they enter adolescence and early adulthood. Being rejected and replaced can cause deep-rooted insecurities, as well as lifelong relationship and self-esteem issues.
Cramer (2011) showed that children raised by authoritative and permissive parents (high responsiveness) exhibited more adaptive narcissistic tendencies, such as superiority and grandiosity, whereas children raised by authoritarian parents (low responsiveness) were less likely to exhibit such traits.
No one is exempt from narcissistic projection, not even their children. It often comes as a shock to people who have children with pathological narcissists how easily some of them abandon their children. Many narcissistic parents have an emotionally immature worldview.
Indecision and Guilt
Adult children of narcissistic parents fear that they will hurt someone else by choosing to do what's right for them. They have been 'trained' to consider their parent's needs first and foremost, and it is therefore hard for them to consider their own needs without feeling selfish for doing so.
They shift blame onto their children.
Narcissists have the need to feel perfect, so they shirk responsibilities for their own missteps and blame their children. They can be cruel when they feel criticized, and their comments often sting.
Key points. Narcissists often cultivate the idea that they are “perfect” parents, but neglect is common in narcissistic families. Narcissistic parents may neglect kids' emotional, physical, safety, medical, and/or educational needs.
"Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths do not have a sense of empathy," she told Business Insider. "They do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone." This doesn't change when they have children.
“You knew I didn't like it, but you still did it to hurt me.” “You only think about yourself.” “You always look for attention.” “You don't deserve everything that I have done for you.”
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Low self-esteem, substance abuse and perfectionism are also common issues faced by those raised by a narcissistic parent. Those raised in a household with a narcissistic parent may also have difficulty connecting with their siblings.
Genetics may also play a role in contributing to narcissistic personality disorder. In a 2014 study involving 304 pairs of twins, researchers found that some NPD traits were somewhat heritable (aka able to be passed on through genetics): grandiosity was 23% heritable. entitlement was 35% heritable.
It is believed that many narcissists primarily want child custody not for the welfare of the kid, but for their own gratification. As the courts are obliged to provide the child with the care that is in their best interest, the narcissist may be prevented from gaining custody.
Narcissistic parents often view their children as an extension of themselves and try to control or manipulate them into being who they want them to be. The level of manipulation, brainwashing, demoralizing, and self-esteem destruction that a narcissistic parent inflicts upon a child is sadistic.
Through PAS, narcissists use their children as pawns to get back at their ex in an effort to prove their dominance. To protect you and your child's best interests, it is crucial to understand what PAS is and what you can do if you believe your ex-spouse is using this as a tactic with your children.
It is important to note that overall narcissism scores generally declined from age 18 to age 41. So, when a life experience is associated with higher levels of a facet of narcissism at age 41, it means that having this life experience led this facet of narcissism to decline less than expected.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others. Although narcissism comes partly down to genes, it is also impacted by the environment.
As a basic rule of thumb of common sense, patients with symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder tend to have shorter life expectancy as compared to normal people.