Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships? Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
How long does it take a narcissist to come back? In most cases, the narcissist will come back at you immediately after you put in place the no contact rule. Considering how important their ego is to them and how they need that constant attention from their partner, they would come for you immediately.
Do narcissists regret discarding or losing someone? It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.
More often, the narcissist will go silent for some period of time, and then return as if nothing happened. They may have found a new source of supply but had a falling out with them and now they need something from you. Your best bet is to ignore them the way they ignored you earlier.
Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
They Want to Keep Tabs On You
The phrase “keep tabs” means to carefully watch (someone or something) in order to learn what that person or thing is doing. Narcissists frequently keep tabs on the people that they've discarded because it allows them to gather the information that they need to maintain power and control.
Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you: You were too difficult for them to control. You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you. You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
Narcissists can't take rejection and they see it as a personal attraction to their character. Even after long periods of the breakup, they can't accept the fact that you're moving on. Now that you're seeing someone else, your narcissistic ex would act like a predator.
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.
A tactic that narcissists will often use once they realize that they've lost control over you is self-victimization. When a narcissist victimizes themselves it means that they label themselves as victims and blame their problems on external factors.
Narcissist, with their selfish and self-centered nature, often has a hard time admitting defeat. A narcissist will often be unreasonably persistent in trying to get their partner back after a break-up. They will become persistent, try to make the partner jealous by dating other people, and can even resort to violence.
Narcissists come back to old relationships because they seek validation, which they had clearly received previously. This validation boosts their confidence and ego and makes them feel like they're king of the world again. They also know they can control the relationship through manipulative tactics.
"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."
The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
Narcissists love conflict when they're in control of it. At the end of a relationship when they've grown tired, they'll find the most dramatic way to end it. Often they'll use the fight to force your hand into breaking up with them.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce. There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.
Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. They probably want to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled. They want to be in control and will go to any length to keep feeling empowered. It's critical to understand that a narcissist will not leave you alone the first time you ignore them.
As we've already mentioned in the previous section, narcissists have many painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions suppressed within themselves. When a narcissist gets discarded, all of their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions get activated, and as a result, they feel rejected, humiliated, and abandoned.
One of the main reasons why a narcissist ignores you is that they want to control you. More likely, they want to regain control of you. A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them. Especially if they feel like you are pulling away.