If you have erectile dysfunction, or if you have a partner with ED, the desire to have sex may be strong, while the ability to act on that desire just isn't there. That said, you can still get a lot of emotional and physical pleasure out of your sexual activities together without having intercourse.
Most men experience ED from time to time, affecting about one-quarter of men under 40, with this rate climbing as you get older. In some cases, the urge to have sex, called sexual desire or libido, may decline along with the ability to achieve an erection.
Erectile function, libido and sexual bother are incompletely correlated: a man may or may not be satisfied for a given level of erectile function; similarly, two men may have the same erectile function and different levels of sexual desire.
It is not uncommon for men with erectile dysfunction to feel sad, angry, frustrated, ashamed or insecure. Such feelings, if not dealt with, can sometimes lead to clinical depression in men. You may ask, “Is there a link between depression and ED?” The research says YES.
As ED can cause feelings of guilt or embarrassment, some males may avoid any type of intimacy with their partner so that they can avoid distress. However, a partner may interpret this as rejection, making them feel unwanted or unattractive.
Often, foreplay and the intimacy of being together can provide equal or even greater pleasure than the intercourse. Try to take the focus away from intercourse and concentrate on other sexual activities (oral sex, massages, sex toys, etc.).
But most of the time, ED does not mean that your partner is less interested. ED can create a heavy burden on a man to have an erection, and he may become less likely to initiate sex because he's nervous or doesn't want to have that problem again.
And though ED and libido are different things, they are often closely related because men with ED often lose interest in sex. “If a man tries and fails several times, that may decrease his desire for even attempting sex,” says Bajic. Treating the ED and its causes often can revive libido.
So, your man struggling to get hard is absolutely not conclusive evidence that he's cheating. In fact, it's comforting to know that in reality it could be the total opposite: “Men with ED, and so many young men I see now, tell me it's because they care so much for their partner.
42% of women feel their partner's ED is her fault, and 19% feel it's because their partners don't find them attractive any more. What do we do when it happens? Often, not a lot. 40% of the women surveyed said they didn't take ANY steps to find answers or treatment.
Psychological impact of ED on the individual
A single occurrence of ED can be a very distressing event. Fear, anxiety and stress are common emotional responses, but one qualitative study found that actually the most common initial reaction was a sense of emasculation.
Sometimes women genuinely don't understand how a man might feel when he can't get an erection. Some men aren't just embarrassed, they can feel humiliated and ashamed. Men are taught from puberty that their role in sex is all about performance. They are not taught that their role is to be loving, compassionate, and fun.
It's not uncommon for men with erectile dysfunction to feel angry, frustrated, sad, or insecure. Such feelings, if not dealt with, can sometimes lead to clinical depression. Stress often plays a role in erectile dysfunction.
Your libido can rise due to things like relationship pleasures, good health, fitness, holidays and relaxation. Your libido can fall due to things in your life like relationship problems, the birth of a child, stress, overwork, too much or not enough exercise, or personal issues.
It is common for men with ED to feel angry, frustrated, sad, unsure of themselves, or even less “manly.” Such feelings may lead to a lack of self-esteem and, in severe cases, to depression. Depression that accompanies ED is treatable.
While there are many potential reasons leading to infidelity, there is evidence that points to sexual dysfunction in men as one more. It may be the causes of sexual dysfunction, rather than the effects, that are the major influences for men to consider cheating on their partners.
Especially if you feel guilty or stressed because you cheated on your partner. The stress, guilt, and other emotional hang-ups could all prevent you from getting or maintaining an erection. This is also true if your partner is aware of the cheating.
The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
If your ED is caused by a psychological issue, lifestyle factor or medication, it may be possible to reverse it by addressing the underlying issue. Similarly, treating the physical issues that can cause ED may improve your symptoms and help you get an erection more easily.
Be flexible. Try other ways of having sex and experiencing intimacy. Find sexual techniques that you both enjoy and take the pressure off performance. Don't assume your partner knows what you want or that you know what he wants.
Unless the ED is clearly caused by psychological problems, this condition should be regarded as a possible early symptom for other underlying organic issues, not simply as an isolated problem in itself.
Expand your repertoire of intimate expressions. Lovemaking can be satisfying even without an erection. Create an atmosphere of caring and tenderness, and explore different ways to be intimate in the bedroom like foreplay and exploring each other's bodies.