The Epidemic of Men and Emotional Affairs Research from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reveals the extent of the problem. About 45% of men have reported being drawn into an emotional affair at some point.
Seeking Revenge
In some situations, a spouse may engage in an emotional affair as a way of getting back at their partner or dealing with unaddressed anger or issues. It's a form of acting out, but in a way that might seem less serious than cheating physically.
"Emotional cheating" is a particular type of secretive, sustained closeness with someone who isn't your primary partner. It's one person making a unilateral decision to cultivate nonsexual intimacy with someone other than their primary romantic partner in a way that weakens or undermines the relationship.
In short, an inappropriate emotional connection or attachment can be just as dangerous to a relationship as a physical affair. Emotional affairs can often be gateway affairs to other types of infidelity and are just as likely to lead to divorce or a breakup as physical affairs.
Emotional cheating happens when you establish a close, intimate connection with someone who isn't your partner. You can generally tell emotional infidelity apart from simple friendship because your interactions often involve some sexual tension or romantic attraction.
A recent survey reports that 66% of men feel guilty about their emotional affair. And another recent study reports that 56% of men surveyed were happy in their marriage when they began an emotional affair.
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
Basically, men are more willing to forgive emotional cheating, however, a deeper emotional connection, affection and emotional attention is often the reason they cheat. Comparatively, women are less likely to forgive physical cheating, but they usually go looking outside of their relationship for physical reasons.
“It's been said that 50 to 70% of all emotional affairs eventually lead to physical cheating and sex.”
Emotional affairs can be much more nebulous than physical affairs. They can be completely one-sided, where one party has romantic feelings for another completely unsuspecting person. Or, both parties can be engaged in an intense emotional affair that just hasn't turned physical yet.
An emotional affair is very dangerous because it not only takes away time and energy from the marriage, but it can lead to sexual infidelity and possibly divorce. Another way of looking at emotional infidelity is that the betrayal is a symptom of the problems that already exist within a marriage.
Emotional cheating is highly common. In fact, the results of one study showed that 78.6 percent of men and 91.6 percent of women had admitted to an emotional affair at some point in their relationship.
An emotional affair or involvement is a conscious choice and one needs to own the responsibility of the consequences that follow their actions. Indulging in emotional communication with someone other than your partner drifts you away from your relationship.
Over times, these things can go away. With the loss of those elements the affair also dies out. However, emotional affairs can also last years. People even will leave one relationship to begin a new relationship with their affair partner.
Emotional affairs are difficult to end because they help you meet your essential emotional needs more than your primary relationship or marriage. Therefore, you may feel heartbroken when this relationship ends. What is this? In addition, you may feel almost obsessed with the other – it's like an addiction.
How long do emotional affairs last? Much depends on how they begin and where they lead. Physical affairs last an average of 6 to 12 months. Emotional affairs can last much longer, though they can also lead to sexual infidelity.
According to psychologist and relationship researcher Scott Haltzmann, infidelity is a “flame addiction.” A person having an affair craves the other person, wanting to experience the same addictive behavior repeatedly. This is due to a series of complex neurological, chemical, and hormonal changes.
Just seeing your beloved can make your heart race, your legs weak and your face flushed. Touch him, and well… Movies try to convince us we'll feel this way forever, but the intense romance has an expiration date for everyone. Expect the passion to last two to three years at most, says Dr.
Actual feelings are involved.
As painful as physical affairs may be, they don't require deep romantic feelings. Emotional affairs, however, can feel far more personal because they imply that your S.O. liked someone else because they were more exciting to be around than you.
In many cases, emotional cheating can be just as hurtful as a more “traditional” affair. It might very well end up being a dealbreaker for many couples.
But emotional cheating can sometimes cut deeper, and even worse, it can erode the very foundation of your primary relationship and your commitment to one another. “Over time, this process disrupts the overall emotional investment you've made with your partner,” Dr. Dannaram said.
Indeed, a relationship can survive an emotional affair if both partners are committed to finding a way past it. If you find this too difficult to do on your own, often just a few sessions of couples therapy can kick-start the process.
“Emotional intimacy could be defined as allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities and trust,” says Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City and faculty member in Columbia University's clinical psychology Ph. D. program.
When a man is honest and trustworthy, he instantly becomes more appealing and desirable to a woman. If he's dependable, truthful, genuine, and speaks from the heart, he's a guy who is worth pursuing, as people can take him at his word. "Trust and trustworthiness allow relationships to deepen," says Degges-White.
2. The importance of physical touch. Sex is an important part of creating emotional intimacy, but so if physical touch. Hold hands, rub his back, hug, put your arms around each other, and kiss him to maintain a connection when you're not between the sheets.