It depends on why you're the “dumper”, if you have no feelings then you're likely to move on straight away. If you're the dumper because of something they're doing, lack of interest etc then it may take some time to fully “move on”, since you don't actually want to break up with them.
The bottom line is that a dumper with a secure attachment style tends to move on the quickest after a breakup.
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.
Hot take: when it comes to break-ups, ultimately it's harder on the dumper than the dumpee. The dumpee can move on quicker because they had no choice in the matter.
Sadness (and regret) – Not every dumper reaches regret, but it is inevitable that they will hit sadness because no matter how they cope, no one can avoid grieving a loss.
There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.
If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything.
The separation elation stage (1-2 months)
Breakup relief may seem like it will last forever for a dumper but I assure you it will subside. So, try not to panic if you are dealing with a dumper that seems over the moon about the breakup.
Yep. They sure do! Sometimes after the time alone the dumper starts to miss said ex. Sure maybe at the time when you two had broken up, the dumper initially feels relieved and care free, but over time the dumper starts realizing what they no longer have and that nobody can replace it.
It goes the opposite way for them. The dumpee is sad and gradually becomes better. The dumper is happy and gradually becomes sadder and sadder. Of course, depending on whether you stayed no contact or not.
In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.
The psychology of no contact on dumper is a coping mechanism to help you think hard about what went wrong and how you could be a better person and a potentially better partner to the next person who will come along. Instead of thinking about your ex, you have to focus on self-improvement and healing.
Silence after being dumped keeps the dumper totally confused. Being dumped by silent treatment will make your ex lose any sense of power they thought they had. Even if your ex was the one who decided to part ways, your sudden absence is going to make them re-evaluate things as they stand.
As stated above, most dumpers will not be reaching out at all during no contact meaning they never experience the dyadic phase. It's not that they skip it all together it's that it takes longer for them to have it.
For a dumper, it takes more than a few weeks/months/ a year to regret their decision. As stated earlier the timeline for the dumper is different for everyone. Everyone experiences the breakup in different forms and deals with it differently. Someone might regret it immediately whereas someone might regret it later.
They need a rebound
In some cases, an ex may come back because they're looking for a rebound relationship. This usually happens after they've just gotten out of a long-term relationship and they're not quite ready to be single again. So, they'll turn to you as a way to ease their way back into the dating world.
About a month after a breakup the dumper is probably still feeling pretty relieved about having done the horrible part of breaking up and is likely to still be enjoying the 'freedom' That's why no contact is so important in that first month because any contact from you will not be welcome.
Who hurts more, a dumper or a dumpee? It always hurts more to be dumped. Even if you were planning to break up with that person or you don't really care about them. It's just rejection.
So, Does The Dumper Hurt Too? In short, yes, but their grief is going to be different because if the dumper is an avoidant they've come up with all these coping mechanisms to suppress how they're feeling. Think of it like a more agonizing process that on the outside might not look like they're grieving at all.
1) It will shock them
And most of the time, the dumper will still have some feelings for the person they left behind. Sometimes they regret it immediately but stay their course out of pride. Others do it to play mind games.
Dumpers usually don't feel separation anxiety because they are the ones that initiated the breakup. This means they are often under the IMPRESSION that they can reverse the breakup if they so choose to. But this can change if you make it clear to them that you are not going to be waiting around forever.
The first and most obvious reason why your ex tries to hurt you after a breakup is that they still have feelings for you. This is why they contact you, make it difficult for you to move on, and try to make you stay in touch with them.