Unlike typical narcissists, covert narcissists have extreme fight or flight reflexes, and when they choose flight, they run hard and fast. Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
Yes, covert narcissists can discard you permanently. They do this in two ways: 1. By devaluing and discarding you as a person.
During the discard phase, the narcissist may drop the façade of being a charming, loving, and caring person. They might become increasingly aggressive towards you, showing their true vindictive and hostile colors. You might blame yourself and try everything you can to make things go back to how they used to be.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
As a general rule, narcissists will come back after discarding you. But sadly, this isn't because they love, care about, or miss you.
Usually, toward the end, narcissists become more bitter, cranky, and angry, realizing the world has not given them what they deserved until their old days.
The final discard is generally when the narcissist leaves you, often for the first time. He or she may end the relationship, or the individual will just up and leave out of nowhere with no explanation, leaving you to wonder what happened.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
How long does it take a narcissist to come back? In most cases, the narcissist will come back at you immediately after you put in place the no contact rule. Considering how important their ego is to them and how they need that constant attention from their partner, they would come for you immediately.
They can't trust others enough to be a source of supply without their manipulation, so they design an environment where they can maximize control. One reason narcissists cancel plans is because they start to feel like they are not in control.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
Impact on the Person With Narcissistic Tendencies
People with narcissistic tendencies typically don't let go of their source of attention and admiration unless they've secured a new one. If they lose something important to their self-image by discarding you, they'll feel the loss and come back.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
They don't have long-term relationships
Covert narcissists may have trouble forming long-term intimate reciprocal relations with others because of their own neediness. That's because the narcissist directs so many of their resources toward their own distress and their own need to feel better, according to Miller.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
They will move on to another source of Narcissistic Supply if they realize you are really done with them and can no longer be manipulated into doing what they want. If they see no gain from continuing to pursue you, they will finally leave you alone.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
How Long Can a Narcissist Go With No Contact Before They Reach Back Out To You? Unfortunately, there's no good answer to that question. Some can return right after a breakup, while others may take months or years.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that narcissists can and do love—but their love may never be the same as a healthy, unconditional bond. The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection.
#2 Low self-esteem and extreme sensitivity to criticism
Narcissistic people have an overinflated belief that they are better than everyone else, but deep down, they may suffer from extremely low self-worth. Covert narcissists are highly sensitive to constructive criticism yet tend to be hypercritical of other people.
The general theory is that narcissists attract empaths and codependents. The covert narcissist will “go for an enabler, who has their own psychological needs, low self-esteem, and is kind of blind to what's going on,” says Slade.
An overt narcissist discards you…
At this point, they've replaced you as their primary source; however, they're not counting you out. All of your confusion, thinking about them, and discussing them with friends gives them narcissistic supply. If you chase after them, it gives them even more supply.