But therapists and relationship experts agree that, under the right circumstances, and done the right way, a break can be a healthy way to deal with issues and strengthen a relationship. If it is not meant to be, it can also be a way to end the relationship in a positive way that lets you retain your friendship.
Anything from one week to a month should be enough time for one or both parties to determine whether they should stay together. “You may decide halfway through the agreed upon time that you want to be with that person, but you should respect the time frame,” Edwards says.
Well, there's no cookie-cutter way to take a pause, but doing so can actually be extremely healthy for both the individual and the partnership. “When you're in a relationship, it may be difficult to see things objectively,” says Anita Chlipala, a Chicago-based licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).
Many relationships can recover from taking a break and actually turn out to be stronger than before, but that is not always the case. If you and your partner are unable to set clear boundaries and rules in the beginning, or are unable to stick to those things during the break, then your relationship might not make it.
One study found that only 10 percent of couples living together reunite after separating, and only 33 percent of those who do reunite will stay together. Interestingly, women who are more educated are less likely to get back together with a partner they've separated from.
In the most fundamental sense, taking a break means that you and your partner haven't officially broken up, but you've decided to take some time off from each other and your relationship. It's also key to keep in mind that taking a break doesn't have to equal a breakup.
Don't: Communicate During a Break
And in turn, it's natural to keep going back to this person. But you need this break to clear your mind and reflect. Having regular communication or even checking in with your partner will only muddy things up.
"A break could be any length of time, but past a point, it becomes a 'breakup,'" says Dr. Steinberg. "If you don't want it to be considered a 'breakup,' then the break shouldn't be more than a season, or three months long."
' Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.
For same-sex married couples, the break-up rate falls from roughly 8 percent for those who have been together for 5 years to under 1 percent for those who have been together for at least 20 years. For heterosexual married couples, the rate falls from a shade over 3 percent to less than 1 percent over the same period.
Dr. Ford suggests that while breaks can sometimes be a risky move, they can sometimes be the right step for a relationship. The key is to make sure that you are taking a break for the right reasons, establish clear ground rules, and use the time wisely to gain clarity.
Coan advises every couple to adhere to the 70/30 rule: For the happiest, most harmonious relationship, the pro suggests spending 70% of time together, and 30% apart. That gives each of you enough freedom to explore your own interests while still being rooted and invested in your relationship.
Even ifyou were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages ofgrief that you will go through. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.
Many couples who have called it quits end up getting back together. In fact, a 2013 study found that over one third of couples who live together and one fifth of married couples have experienced a breakup and gotten back together.
That 15-to-20-minute window is productivity's “golden hour” (or quarter-hour, as the case may be). It's long enough for your brain to disengage and leave you feeling refreshed, but not so long that you lose focus and derail momentum on what you were doing.
It's a good idea to take a break if you are not satisfied in the relationship for a long time. A break can help you figure out what exactly is the reason you are feeling unsatisfied in the relationship and if anything can be done to change it.
Breaks allow couples to see the partnership from a new perspective, acknowledge personal doubts and wrongdoings, determine changes that need to be made (like perhaps one person is putting in more effort than the other), and then decide if the relationship is worth continuing.
Is it okay to communicate during a break? In general, if you have decided to take a break in your relationship, it might be a good idea not to communicate when you are apart from your mate. The only reason you should communicate is if you need to talk about the care of your children.
"If you and your partner are taking a break from the relationship, it should be exactly that — a break," she explains. Going no contact might sound vindictive or rude, but it's really the best way to embrace your time apart, which is the whole purpose of the break.
People in new relationships should wait three months before thinking long-term. Important discoveries about another are usually made in that three-month period. Don't bother worrying if a man is husband-material until you really know him.
The 2-2-2 Rule involves going on a date night every two weeks, spending a weekend away every two months and taking a week-long vacation away every two years. The idea behind it is that prioritizing and planning to spend time together strengthens your relationship.
There's No Emotional Connection
One of the key signs your relationship is ending is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A cornerstone of happy, healthy relationships is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open to sharing thoughts and opinions with one another.
December might be a time for joy and goodwill – but it's also the most popular time for couples to break up.