Yes, individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that can damage or destroy their relationships, even when those relationships are healthy. This is usually not a deliberate, malicious choice, but rather a result of the intense emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, and unstable self-image that are hallmarks of the disorder.
While those with BPD have an intense and chronic fear of abandonment, they often cannot recognize how their mood swings, angry outbursts, and impulsive and irrational behaviors negatively impact their relationships and push people away.
If they're constantly putting you down, throwing shade your way, or spreading gossip about you, they might be sabotaging you. Why? Maybe they're jealous, insecure, or in some sort of weird competition with you. Either way, keep an eye out for these sneaky sabotage tactics so you can protect your peace.
Unstable Relationships
Their reactions are often intense, leading to arguments or push-and-pull dynamics. Many experience challenges in romantic relationships due to BPD. Research indicates that relationships with one or two BPD partners often face increased conflict and negativity.
People with BPD often have a hard time maintaining stable relationships because their intense emotions can make it difficult to handle conflicts and disagreements. They may also have a fear of abandonment, which can lead them to act impulsively or make rash decisions to avoid being left alone.
Conversely, the individual with BPD may end the relationship abruptly and without warning. They may state that their partner is not meeting their needs or is not worth their time, and may move on to a new relationship without looking back.
Some people have relationships that just last a few weeks or months, while other people living with BPD have relationships that last years or even decades (sometimes with cycles of breaking up and getting back together).
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
Most splitting episodes of BPD do not come with a specific time limit, and they may last anywhere from a few hours or days to a few months. Sometimes, a person suffering from BPD may split between a situation, item, or person forever and may never return from their extreme view.
If left untreated, the person suffering from BPD may find themselves involved with extravagant spending, substance abuse, binge eating, reckless driving, and indiscriminate sex, Hooper says. The reckless behavior is usually linked to the poor self-image many BPD patients struggle with.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Your partner might engage in self-sabotaging relationship behaviors if he has poor self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem may believe they aren't good enough for their partner or that they don't deserve to be in a healthy and happy relationship.
Silent saboteurs often thrive because their actions are subtle and hard to prove. They rely on plausible deniability and your own reluctance to stir conflict. But with awareness, emotional intelligence, and strategic boundary-setting, you can protect yourself and thrive without their shadows looming over your progress.
BPD-related psychosis typically differs from other psychotic disorders as symptoms are usually brief, stress-triggered, and the person often maintains some reality testing. Psychotic symptoms in BPD can include paranoia, auditory hallucinations, visual distortions, and severe dissociative episodes.
Individuals having BPD are likely to experience extreme emotional discomfort, a misconceived sense of self, and a devastating fear of desertion. In some cases, when this becomes too hard to handle, some people resort to self-harming tendencies as a means of coping or having control.
While not all people with BPD lie, BPD and lying can run the risk of weakening trust and placing a relationship in jeopardy, since it's a mental health condition often marked by emotional volatility, negative self-perception and unhealthy attachment styles, a partner with BPD may not even realize they're behaving this ...
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing.
One study found that approximately 13% of those with BPD also met the diagnostic criteria for NPD. Another report found that as many as 39% of people with BPD may have NPD as well. When BPD and NPD co-occur, someone is likely to have a specific subtype of NPD known as covert, or vulnerable, narcissism.
Don't…
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
In many of these cases, the partner decides to end the relationship. The reasons for splitting up can vary. For the partners of people with BPD, deciding to leave their partner can be a difficult choice. However, if the individual with BPD is making self-destructive decisions, it could be the only practical choice.