No, not everyone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has a "Favorite Person" (FP), but it's a very common experience where one individual becomes the intense focus of their emotional world, serving as an external regulator for their unstable emotions, though this isn't a diagnostic requirement and can happen in other disorders too. Many people with BPD might not have one, might cycle through them, or even suppress the feelings to avoid perceived abandonment, while others may have FPs that are friends, family, or even pets.
Having a favorite person, or being obsessed with someone, is not part of the diagnostic criteria. So yes, you can absolutely have BPD and not have FPs.
Within the context of BPD, an FP represents a person who is a source of comfort and an anchor. They are different from a best friend in that they are a person on whom you depend emotionally. They provide emotional validation and security and you may start to believe that they are the only person who can make you happy.
the BPD person losing their special person will need to find a new anchor quickly, because they will undergo a void of their identity. it can lead them to become depressed, angry, grief stricken, and or full of despair. that can lead to substance abuse or other impulsive behaviors also.
To elaborate, people with BPD often experience having a 'Favourite Person' in their life - could be anyone, often a romantic interest, friend, mentor, therapist, sometimes family member. This won't be just someone you love to spend time with, it's an all-consuming attachment.
Here are signs you have a favorite person relationship:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by difficulties with emotional regulation and unstable personal relationships. Many people with BPD have a “favorite person” — this is the person they rely on.
The BPD love-hate cycle, also known as idealization and devaluation, involves rapidly shifting between intense admiration and deep dislike for someone, driven by profound fear of abandonment and emotional dysregulation, creating a push-pull pattern of closeness followed by rejection, often fueled by "splitting" (seeing people as all good or all bad). This rollercoaster of intense highs and lows leaves partners confused and can lead to chaotic, painful relationship dynamics.
Don't…
Emotional reactions, such as sadness, shock and disbelief, anger or resentment (including anger that the person has abandoned you), feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, panic, irritability, denial, relief, guilt (including guilt that you survived or that you could not save the person who died), feeling you do not ...
In this type of BPD relationship, a favorite person is relied on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
Focus on self-improvement. Focusing on self-improvement can help someone with BPD shift their focus from the favorite person to improving themselves. This can include setting goals, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby. The key is to find activities that promote self-growth and increase self-esteem.
Someone with BPD often loves in a way that transcends conventional definitions. Since they know what it is like to be atypical, they know how to embrace the uniqueness of each person. They can often see beyond the surface, connect with others on a soul level, and appreciate the inner beauty that lies within.
To tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), look for patterns of intense mood swings, unstable relationships, a distorted self-image, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, intense anger, fear of abandonment, self-harm, and stress-related paranoia or dissociation; a diagnosis requires a mental health professional to assess at least five of these core symptoms, which often overlap with other conditions, making professional evaluation crucial.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
Despite a strong desire for intimacy, individuals with BPD may exhibit insecure, avoidant, ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment styles in relationships, complicating their interactions and connections with others.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
Jobs that draw on empathy, communication, and understanding, traits often strengthened by lived experience with BPD, can also be deeply rewarding. Examples include: Teaching assistant or education support worker. Counsellor, peer support, or mental health worker.
Being married to someone with BPD can make you feel like you're being left alone with your worries and stresses. The stress and uncertainty associated with caring for the individual through their mood swings can take an emotional toll on a spouse.
Some people have relationships that just last a few weeks or months, while other people living with BPD have relationships that last years or even decades (sometimes with cycles of breaking up and getting back together).
BPD limerence is when borderline personality traits (BPD) meet with obsessive romantic attachment. It creates an emotionally intense experience where fear of abandonment meets desperate longing.
A person with BPD fluctuates between calm and anger, happiness and sadness, affection and coldness, and empathy and anger. Their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors can change at any time. Their powerful emotions can be provoked by any incident, regardless of its seeming insignificance.
In BPD, hypersexuality can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism used to manage intense emotional distress or feelings of emptiness, often associated with the disorder. The temporary relief or pleasure derived from sexual activity can provide a fleeting escape from these uncomfortable feelings.
Signs of having an FP
They may also feel very happy when receiving the FP's attention but feel anxious when they are not. Other potential signs of a BPD-FP relationship could include: frequently seeking the person's approval or guidance. feeling abandoned if the individual is unavailable or unresponsive.
Some work has found robust links between BPD symptoms and anxious attachment using the ECR-R (Nakashi-Eisikovits, Dutra, & Westen, 2002; Scott et al., 2013), while others have found that avoidant attachment may be most characteristic of individuals with elevated levels of BPD (Levy et al., 2015).