Yes, there is definitely a connection between midlife crisis and affairs. However, this happens in both men and women (though more common in men), as both are similarly burdened by the fear of aging and their mortality.
There is little scientific research that formally identifies how long a midlife crisis lasts but anecdotally it is thought that it lasts between three to ten years in men and two to five years in women.
Yet, most affairs usually end one of two ways: with divorce or a stronger current relationship. How the end plays out is up to you, how you choose to react, and how hard you want to work to stay together. Learning how to overcome grief and pain is going to be difficult, but Couples Academy can help.
Yes, sometimes people who leave in the throes of a midlife crisis do come back. Sometimes, their partner no longer wants them. But rather than concentrate your energy on your husband's behavior and choices, I hope you will take a long look at your own life. Deal with your grief and the profound loss and change.
An affair will last as long as it suits its purpose, and no longer. Some affairs last only a couple hours, while others can last a lifetime. Most affairs come to light one way or another, which can cut them short or – if the cheated spouse agrees to let the cheater continue for reasons of their own – extend them.
First, affairs are often a replication waiting to happen. And second, affairs are often forged with the same magnetic power that a marriage is, often rendering the affair as hard to break as a marriage. Thus, ending an affair, especially if it is long-term, may resemble a divorce.
The same can be true for those who find out about long-term affairs. It is certainly possible that infidelity start and end multiple times. For that reason, it is a good idea to talk to a professional about your situation and seek out advice.
Frustration & Irritability with Work, Family, or Self
Frustration, irritability, and anger are common in a midlife crisis, especially for men, as they tend to express their sadness as anger more often than women. They might target their work, family, themselves, or a combination of the three.
Mid-life crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women. A mid-life crisis could be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over: work or career (or lack thereof) spousal relationships (or lack of them)
Resolution. The “crisis,” so to speak, generally ends when you feel more comfortable with yourself and begin to accept, perhaps even welcome, what life has in store.
Oxytocin, the "love" hormone that bonds people together, that ramps up the sex, that creates that falling-in-love feeling naturally begins to wane after about nine to 18 months. This is built into evolution, the need for both parties to stop staring into each other's eyes and get back to work.
Relationships from affairs, based on studies and observations, aren't very likely to last a long time. In fact, if a relationship between two people who met through an affair started, it was highly likely that the relationship didn't work out for long.
Yes, there is definitely a connection between midlife crisis and affairs. However, this happens in both men and women (though more common in men), as both are similarly burdened by the fear of aging and their mortality.
The key is to focus on making positive, rational and realistic decisions, not impulsive ones that are driven by irrational fear or anxiety. Use your midlife concerns as a source of inspiration and you may find yourself feeling happier and more fulfilled.
A lot of people want to know, can marriages survive the midlife crisis, and the answer is yes. A midlife crisis destroying your marriage is a common fear of many married couples, but there is a way around a lot of these problems.
Generally, the most commonly cited midlife crisis age range is between 40 and 60. 1 At this halfway point in life, people tend to reevaluate their lives and confront their own mortality. For some, this becomes a significant issue that affects their relationships and careers.
“Male midlife crisis is about fear of dying. It's rooted in separation anxiety and fear of mortality. Many men still live and function under the archaic division of role models and beliefs about self-identity,” says Beverly Hills, California, family and relationship psychotherapist, Dr. Fran Walfish.
Older men are looking for someone who's emotionally secure and financially stable. “This may be especially true if the man was in a long-term relationship or marriage with a financially or emotionally dependent woman. After years of dependency, a strong woman with her own resources can be a big turn on,” says Coleman.
Men reaching mid-life may feel a loss of masculinity and confusion about their future role. Divorce, insecurity at work and the changing role of men add to the uncertainty many feel during this time of transition. Many men find the changes in sexual function which come with getting older unsettling.
According to WebMD, the “in love” stage of an affair lasts 6 to 18 months, on average. And around 75% of the marriages that start as affairs end in divorce. Considering only 5 to 7% of affair relationships lead to marriage, that's a grim statistic for couples hoping their affairs will last forever.
The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin. It doesn't hurt that we usually dress nicely and are on “good behavior” at work. Plus, having shared passions about projects (or mutual annoyance at a boss or co-worker) provides the perfect breeding ground for an affair.
Loved-up couples be warned: September has been named the month when affairs are most likely to begin. Overtaking January as the biggest month for infidelity, new research has found those looking to stray are more likely to start an affair in September than any other time of the year.
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).