An often effective way to point out a person's narcissism, while at the same time allowing the individual flexibility to change, is to separate the behavior from the person. For instance, instead of stating “you're a narcissist,” say “you're acting like a narcissist,” or “this [specify the behavior] is narcissistic.”
They have speculated that if narcissists received true feedback, they would change. The Carlson and colleagues' study suggests this is not the case: Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and that they have a narcissistic reputation.
The simple answer is “No.” If your intention is to get a narcissist to look at their own behavior (by telling them they are a narcissist), you will not receive the results you desire. Narcissists are incredibly insecure and suffer from low self-esteem underneath their bravado.
When a narcissist knows you are onto them, they know it would be hard to trick you anymore. Hence, when a narcissist loses power, what they do is create a trauma bond. A trauma bond is a series of toxic behaviors the narcissist displays.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
People with narcissistic personality disorder tend not to perceive that they themselves may have a mental health problem, and thus may be less likely to seek evaluation or treatment.
The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
Don't argue about 'right' and 'wrong'
There's no point trying to figure out who is "to blame" for something, as narcissists will never admit fault. They want to blame you for any negative emotions they are feeling, because they rely on the image they are portraying of being faultless.
It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. The cause is likely complex. Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to: Environment — parent-child relationships with either too much adoration or too much criticism that don't match the child's actual experiences and achievements.
Age does not mellow a narcissist – it simply makes them more self-centred. They may become obsessed with their appearance, obsessing about every wrinkle or the appearance of white hairs. If they have retired, they often become obsessed by the loss of their career.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
One of the best ways to handle a narcissist is to stand up to them -- quite literally.
Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist is confronted with contrary beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity. The narcissist is injured, and responds with anger. Being on the receiving end of this rage can produce feelings ranging from anxiety to downright terror.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
Narcissists value fame, beauty, and success more than relationships. Sure, they date and have friends and often these relationships start out exciting — but fizzle quickly. “People who are narcissistic should have a trail of bad relationships behind them,” Campbell said.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
Seeing a therapist can help if you're concerned.
Working with a mental health professional can be super helpful in situations like this, but one of the problems is that, if you really are a narcissist, you likely don't possess the self-awareness to recognize that there's anything for which you need to seek help.