It is absolutely normal to know that you love someone but don't work as a couple. Relationships change constantly. You can go from being in a relationship with someone to strangers to best friends, then back to strangers. You can love someone, then stop loving them, then love them again!
You may be wondering, can you ever stop loving someone? The answer is yes. It might be difficult, but it is possible to move on and get over someone. We will take you through various tips that might help you move on from your heartbreak.
Love doesn't always go away just because we want it to. But even if you can't entirely stop loving someone who doesn't love you or who's caused you harm, you can manage those feelings in positive, healthy ways so they don't continue to cause you pain.
"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...
The Reason Why It's Hard to Let Go
Loss comes in many forms, not just death. And every loss comes with a certain level of grief. Letting go of someone you love also isn't just about that person. It also signifies a big change in your life, and maybe even your identity.
If you are unable to stop thinking about someone, you most likely have 'anxious attachment'. You might push and pull in relationships to get a break from the anxiety they cause you. But if the other person leaves, you panic.
When you have truly loved someone, when you have given your whole heart and dedicated your soul and your entire life to them, you lose a part of yourself — something that can't be recovered, like a coin tossed into the wishing fountain, or like a bird let out of its cage and never turned back.
Passionate love feels like instant attraction with a bit of nervousness. It's the "feeling of butterflies in your stomach,"Lewandowski says. "It's an intense feeling of joy, that can also feel a bit unsure because it feels so strong."
When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.
True love is understanding that everything has its time and place and just because it didn't last forever doesn't make it any less real. However, true love allows you to move on with your own life, pursue your own happiness, and find your own love, because that person will always be in your heart.
“In many instances, people feel those love-like feelings for quite some time after a breakup. This can vary widely depending on the person, their circumstances and personal history. Some people may just need days or weeks whereas others may take months or years to move on from an ex.”
Fantasy Love
Think of all the things about your partner that you desired and those that you were afraid to lose. Those attachments are the tethers that keep relationships intact. Even after a relationship ends, you might not be able to let go of those attachments. They made you feel alive, valuable, and wanted.
Staying friends with someone after developing real romantic feelings for them can be hard. However, many people have successfully remained friends after unrequited love confessions. Although it's common for two people not to be able to get past potential awkwardness, it can still be possible for some.
You're focusing on potential
If you can't stop thinking about someone new, it may be because you're focusing on their potential, says Greer. “That's the fantasy of what you could have and what you long for, what you may feel is missing in your life, what you might have had with somebody else,” Greer says.
If you want to stop thinking about someone, the easiest and perfect way is to find someone or something else to redirect your thoughts. Create a distraction and start obsessing about someone else. It'll work wonders. It could be a celebrity or some social media influencer, it really doesn't matter who.
There is an old saying that “if you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be.” This phrase means that you should not make or guilt someone into staying in a relationship with you. If love and you are truly meant to be together, you shouldn't have to force it.
Letting go in psychology is more about mentally letting go—or mentally releasing attachment to something. Instead of fighting for someone to be in our lives or for something to turn out a certain way, we let go of that need or desire and instead accept what is or what needs to happen.