People with borderline personality disorder can be very effective and nurturing parents, but because the symptoms of BPD can be very intense, for many people this does take some work.
Mothers with BPD may find it difficult to balance appropriate limit setting with the encouragement of exploration and growth for their children. It may also be that mothers with BPD find it difficult to adjust their parenting strategies to match the developmental needs of their children.
Yes, it is possible. Living with BPD doesn't mean you can't establish stable and healthy relationships. Still, relationships are a significant challenge to most people with BPD. These challenges can be managed, typically with professional support.
Their favourite person becomes the source of their comfort and devotion. A BPD person's favourite person can be anybody: a relative, parent, best friend, lover, or somebody they just met. The difference between a best friend and a favourite person, is related to the intensity of the thoughts that surround this person.
People with BPD are extremely sensitive to their own, and others' emotions and feelings. This makes them incredibly compassionate and empathetic as they really can feel what someone else is going through. As such they make great listeners and tend to be the kind of people you want around after a bad day.
Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPDs) become overwhelmed and incapacitated by the intensity of their emotions, whether it is joy and elation or depression, anxiety, and rage. They are unable to manage these intense emotions.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
Common traits of a parent with BPD include: Seeking constant approval from their children and other family members. Presenting as overly moody or depressed if things don't go their way. Making their children feel like they can never do “good enough” for their parent.
Maladaptive Parenting. Maladaptive parenting including childhood maltreatment, abuse and neglect, exposure to domestic violence and parental conflict are found to be prevalent psychosocial risk factors for development of BPD in children and adolescents [10, 11].
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
Unexpectedly, people with BPD do not have higher divorce rates than the general population. By an average age of about 40, the divorce rate for people with BPD is around 35%, and this is comparable to the divorce rate for the average U.S. citizen. However, people with BPD are far less likely to remarry after a divorce.
BPD is a mental health condition characterized by unstable relationships, intense emotions, and impulsive behavior, and these challenges can make it difficult to cope with the end of a relationship. Navigating the challenges of ending a relationship can feel confusing and isolating for some individuals with BPD.
Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.
Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age. If you have borderline personality disorder, don't get discouraged.
Children of mothers with BPD are also at heightened risk for exhibiting attention difficulties, aggressive behavior, and low self-esteem, in addition to major depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder itself.
Christine Lawson, describes four subtypes of mothers with BPD: the Waif (helpless), the Hermit (fearful/avoidant), the Queen (controlling) and the Witch (sadistic).
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Physical and Verbal Abuse
Several studies found a relationship between physical or verbal abuse and BPD development (23, 24, 37, 59, 65).
The children of parents with BPD are at risk of poorer outcomes in terms of their own mental health, educational outcomes and wellbeing. The challenges of being a parent can also exacerbate the symptoms of those with BPD traits.
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or those with BPD who may not even know they have it, are more likely than the general population to be verbally, emotionally/psychologically, physically abusive.
What is the effect of BPD on family members? Family members often feel mystified and exhausted by their relative's illness. The intense mood swings and anger outbursts can be frightening and disruptive. Impulsive acting out in areas such as spending, substance abuse, or sex can be a major source of marital conflict.
Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Many people with BPD feel emotions deeply and find working in a caring role fulfilling. If you are an empathetic person, consider jobs such as teaching, childcare, nursing and animal care.