Borderline personality disorder relationships and cheating may occur due to the impulsivity associated with this mental health condition. Recent research has shown people with BPD are more sexually impulsive and likely to engage in risky sexual behavior than those without BPD.
No. Borderline Personality Disorder and cheating are not connected, though certain symptoms of BPD could drive someone to cheat. That said, if you and your partner are willing to work through the challenges of BPD and go to therapy, then there is no reason your relationship can't succeed.
“People with BPD lie often, but it is not because they are pathological liars,” says Nikki Instone, Ph. D. “Lying is not a symptom of the disorder so much as a consequence of their internal battle.” Lying is really rooted in emotional dysregulation, which is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Sometimes compulsive behavior stems from mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and OCD. Research shows that antidepressants may help reduce some of the obsessions and compulsions associated with cheating behavior. Keep in mind that medications alone rarely change behavior.
Borderlines may have difficulty maintaining close relationships, which can lead to cheating. Cheating can also be a way for borderlines to get back at their partners. Borderlines may not even be aware that they're cheating, due to their impulsivity.
Cheating happens when there is a combination of dysfunctional behaviors, such as lying, substance abuse, delusions or mania, and struggles within a relationship. While cheating isn't a justifiable coping method, it does become a mechanism for dealing with pain when no other avenues seem available.
Although BPD patients commonly use emotional manipulation techniques, their intent is not to manipulate others – but, in fact, to cry for help. Some of the things people with BPD do that are commonly viewed as being “manipulative” are threatening suicide, self-harm, and more.
People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
Once the person living with borderline personality disorder has begun to form suspicions that the other person may be looking to end a relationship, they may begin to “test” that individual in various ways. The other person often may not even be aware that they are being tested.
Borderline love bombing uses demonstrations of affection and emotion to catch and keep someone's interest. While this attention can be flattering at first, love bombing is a manipulative behavior used to control another person.
People with BPD are often extremely scared that others will abandon them, but they can also shift to a fear of closeness and intimacy. This back-and-forth between demanding attention and withdrawal can leave the person's partner feeling confused and undervalued in the relationship.
Loyal and committed
Yes, some partners with BPD may be disloyal, mainly if they act impulsively when emotionally dysregulated. But most of the time, if they feel safe and loved in a committed relationship, they will appreciate the haven they have been looking for all their lives.
People with BPD are as likely to cheat or be unfaithful as anyone else. However, they often have trouble managing their emotions and thoughts. This can cause them to act impulsively — even if they don't want to — which may lead them to cheat on their partner.
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain. People with borderline personality disorder also tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their interests and values can change quickly, and they may act impulsively or recklessly.
How Selfishness Manifests in Borderline Personality Disorder. According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
It is now universally recognized by mental health professionals as a debilitating illness that affects every aspect of a person's life. Borderline personality disorder causes a broad range of reactions that can be considered self-destructive or self-sabotaging.
They have anger outbursts and become particularly volatile. More often than not, they're not intentionally manipulating others — hence the quotation marks. Although their actions appear malicious, they're just trying to get their needs met.
Research shows that betrayed partners, after learning that their significant other has strayed, typically experience stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms characteristic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Those who cheat for relationship reasons do so because they don't feel satisfied. "Researchers find that partnerships characterized by dissatisfaction, unfulfilling sex, and high conflict are at higher risk for infidelity," she says.
Signs of emotional cheating
You confide in the other person about the intimate details of your relationship troubles. You've become more detached and emotionally disconnected from your partner. You think about the other person all the time. You are less intimate with your partner.