Broadly speaking, when a mother exhibits jealousy toward one or more of her offspring, she falls within the signifier of being a “narcissistic mother.” Senior therapist Sally Baker elaborates. “This is when a mother puts her own emotional needs above those of her children.
“It's a completely normal reaction. Jealousy is a response to a perceived threat to an important relationship. Part of our feeling of who we are comes from how others treat us, and when one special person seems to shift that treatment to someone else it is normal to feel insecurity and a loss of identity.”
Feeling jealous is normal and natural. And if you come from a relational trauma background and, in parenting your child, are presented with stark contrasts to what you experienced, it makes perfect sense you would feel jealous of your child. There's nothing wrong with you for sometimes feeling jealous of your child.
Usually, the envied is seen as merely similar to us. Children, by contrast, are seen as a younger version of us or as part of us. Since parents see their children as a younger version of themselves, most come to view a child's achievements as, in an important way, their own.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Broadly speaking, when a mother exhibits jealousy toward one or more of her offspring, she falls within the signifier of being a “narcissistic mother.” Senior therapist Sally Baker elaborates. “This is when a mother puts her own emotional needs above those of her children.
Jealousy and Possessiveness
Since a narcissistic mother or father often hopes that the child will permanently dwell under the parent's influence, she or he may become extremely jealous at any signs of the child's growing maturity and independence.
If your kid feels jealous, he may become overly possessive about everything. This attitude may not only be restricted to the materialistic things, but he may become possessive about his parents, siblings and friends, too. He may not want to share anything, and this attitude might also cause depression.
Causes Of Mother And Son Relationship Problems
Insecurity: Possessive, over-protective, manipulative, abusive, and narcissistic behavior originates from a mother's insecurity. Fear of losing control of her life, feeling ignored, financial problems, a divorce or separation, losing a job, etc.
A toxic mother creates a negative home environment where unhealthy interactions and relationships damage a child's sense of self and their views of relationships with others. Over time, it increases the risk of poor development in the child's self-control, emotional regulation, social relations, etc1.
The Oedipus complex, also known as the Oedipal complex, describes a child's feelings of desire for their opposite-sex parent and jealousy and anger toward their same-sex parent.
Don't give your jealous parent conflict and don't snap into reactions when they misbehave. Instead, take a step back to assess things honestly. Process your feelings and question everything your jealous parent is doing. Allow this to be a teachable moment, and a marker of everything you never want to be.
Some of the various signs of jealousy might be accusations, suspicions, questioning your behavior or day-to-day activities, having negativity towards partner's relationships, comparing themselves to others, and more.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
They are emotionally reactive, but shame their child's emotions. Narcissists are often angry and aggressive when they feel disappointed or frustrated. If they believe their child is being critical or defiant, they can lash out.
Answer: It's not a matter of mothers hating their daughters but having a jealousy and rivalry with them. Moms don't feel the same competitiveness with their sons because they don't identify with them as strongly. It's perfectly normal that mothers feel twinges of envy from time to time as it's a basic human emotion.
The psychological effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter can be long-lasting. The daughter may struggle with trust issues, abandonment issues, and self-esteem issues. She may also find it difficult to form healthy relationships due to the emotional manipulation she experienced from her mother.
The mother-child bond is perhaps one of the strongest human connections. While much of that connection may be due to the natural instinct that wells up from the moment a mother first sees her child, science is shedding some light on why some mother-child bonds are particularly strong.
The mother wound is the cultural trauma that is carried by a mother – along with any dysfunctional coping mechanisms that have been used to process that pain – and inherited by her children (with daughters generally bearing the brunt of this burden).
Parents of children with an avoidant attachment tend to be emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to them a good deal of the time. They disregard or ignore their children's needs, and can be especially rejecting when their child is hurt or sick.
Parents who are undeveloped or immature experience their children as an unwanted, intimidating dependency load. They find it threatening to bear the responsibility and extensive care that the baby and developing child require and may even come to resent their offspring.