Folks who have ADHD are likely to find non-monogamy very satisfying. But ADHD brings a predictable set of challenges to any relationship. And if you're not careful, non-monogamy can drastically magnify those challenges. And to top it all off, the biggest challenge isn't what 99% of people think.
One of the things Tuckman's survey revealed was that persons with ADHD were more likely to have participated in both consensual non-monogamy (i.e., being in some kind of sexually open relationship) and non-consensual non-monogamy (i.e., cheating or infidelity).
Yes, adults and teens with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can remain in one monogamous relationship while dating or married. While ADHD brings an additional set of challenges into a relationship, the challenges do not need to be considered overwhelming.
It's true: Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has strained more than a few romantic relationships. Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet.
But just because you both have ADHD doesn't mean that you can't have a happy and fulfilling relationship. In fact, with the right tools and strategies, you can navigate ADHD together and build a stronger bond as a result.
Relationships where one or both members of the couple have ADHD can be filled with misunderstandings, anger and frustration. Research supports notion that couples including adults with ADHD are more likely to report low relationship satisfaction and to separate or divorce, than couples unaffected by ADHD.
Another challenge for adults with ADHD is initiation. They don't know where to start. Everything seems important and overwhelming — especially when you've been living with a mess for a number of years. While maintaining a household for couples with ADHD may be tougher, it's absolutely feasible.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
ADHD and your relationship
ADHD may affect relationships because people with the mental health condition are more likely to: misplace items regularly. become bored during date night outings. have trouble focusing during a fight or when discussing your day.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
While all kinds of people can fall in love, the experience of people with ADHD falling in love can be more intense for them. This is because the person with ADHD can hyperfocus on the person they are in love with.
Many people with ADHD have difficulty focusing. A person may quickly lose sight of how frequently he pays attention to his partner and the things that matters to the partner. In turn, this can cause the new partner to feel uncared for or ignored. ADHD impacts a person's ability to focus, or remember commitments.
Takeaway: If you're dating someone with ADHD, you might end up taking on some, most, or even all of the household duties. It can be stressful and frustrating to feel like you have to pick up after yourself and someone else — it's totally understandable.
“Opposites Attract”: People with ADHD are attracted to “organized” and joyless workers bees who can keep the trains running for the both of them and who in turn are drawn to their free-spirited ADHD partner's spontaneity and sense of fun.
Having obsessive thoughts in an ADHD brain is quite common, but the problem arises when you cannot control these thoughts.
Individuals with ADHD may unintentionally offend co-workers by interrupting frequently, talking too much, being too blunt, or not listening well.
“People with ADHD generally feel their feelings more strongly, tend to wear them on their sleeve, and tend to act on them more. This can make someone a lot of fun when things are going well, but can cause big strains on the relationship when the feelings being expressed are anger or frustration,” says Tuckman.
For many ADHD women it can be helpful to use more feeling centered-language and to show clearer emotion. She might requires higher facial affect and clearer signals. She may respond to language which expresses emotion, and appreciate it when you tell her how you feel instead of what you think.
“Love bombing” is defined by someone showering their partner with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and flattery in order to gain their trust and dependence.
The attentional and emotional self-regulation challenges that can exist for partners with ADHD can interfere with experiential intimacy in several ways. First, the partner with ADHD may be distracted within the experience, missing the moment together.
For patients diagnosed with adult ADHD there tends to be a “honeymoon period”, where they are really happy with treatment. They are excited and like 'wow I feel great' / 'this is so much better'.
Kids with ADHD often feel emotions more deeply than other kids do, and love is no exception. When teens with ADHD fall in love, the good — and bad — feelings that come with it can be even more intense and more disruptive. New relationships or crushes are exciting and (mostly) enjoyable.
People with ADHD tend to be forgetful, impulsive, and/or inattentive, which can complicate how well we adhere to the etiquette of texting. In other words, we're more likely to ghost our friends, but completely by accident.