Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities.
Here are 7 characteristics of a narcissist you should consider to be red flags. They seem perfect at first. One of the hallmarks of narcissists is that they are friendly, likable people when you meet them. They will often be the first person to volunteer help or to make themselves useful in a tricky situation.
While it may be possible for a narcissist to develop feelings of love towards someone else, they struggle to maintain lasting relationships due to their lack of empathy and tendency towards selfishness.
They are adept at presenting to others a positive view of themselves. Through their manipulation tactics, a narcissist can influence how others view them. This includes them appearing to be caring, intelligent, and friendly so others see them as competent.
One of the biggest reasons that narcissists are “nice” to others is to get enough narcissistic supply to suppress their negative emotions and protect their fragile sense of self. This allows them to remain relatively emotionally stable but still leaves them vulnerable to contradictions to their falsified identity.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Empathetic – Narcissists lack any empathy, so they gravitate towards people who are caring and put other people before themselves. When a target is abused by a narcissist, they are manipulated into taking the narcissist's side and believing that they are responsible for their partner's hurtful words and actions.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
Narcissists did not think they were more conscientious, fair, likable, or reliable than others thought them to be. This pattern reflects that narcissists inflate their view of themselves in order to enhance their self-esteem. That means narcissists are focused on having an outsize impact on the world around them.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Its no secret that a core narcissistic trait is the lack of empathy and care for others. However, people with strong narcissistic tendencies and other dark personality traits (hereafter narcissists) do sometimes act in a caring manner, or try to appear this way.
They deeply believe in their own attractiveness
Narcissists are good-looking. Or, perhaps more importantly, they believe that they are – and this belief plays a role in how they move through the world: confident in their ability to make other people want to have sex with them.
Narcissism is characterized in part by an acute concern for one's appearance.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
Tease, ridicule, and shame them mercilessly for not trying to figure out right from wrong, instead, pretending to have it all figured out. Stay calm, even friendly, to the person cowering inside their absolute narcissistic fake infallibility cloak. Stay light, even humorous.
Avoid triggering a narcissistic reaction.
Potential triggers include giving direct criticism or feedback and escalating conflicts that could lead to personal harm. Don't try to use logic or get into a debate with the person or try to argue that they are overreacting.
Narcissists are attracted to certain types of people. Rather than weak, vulnerable people, they tend to go for the strong-willed and talented. They are also attracted to people who reflect well on themselves.
Relationships that survive will rely on the partner having good self-esteem, strong boundaries, resources that are valued by the narcissist, patience, an even-tempered personality, and a reason to stay.
A common misconception is that narcissists go for the weak, because they are easier to manipulate. In fact, narcissists prefer to try and hook someone in who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire. That way, they feel more accomplished if they succeed in tearing them down.
Final Thoughts on the Red Flags of a Narcissist
Narcissistic individuals often exhibit traits such as a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and an inflated sense of self-importance. It's essential to understand that dealing with a narcissist can be draining and challenging.
Narcissists tend to be incapable of something called "object constancy," which means they struggle to have positive feelings at the same time as negative ones. Once they are fired up for a fight, they can be incredibly cruel, because all they can comprehend in the moment are feelings of resentment and anger.