INFJs are so concerned with maintaining harmony and improving the moods and emotions of others, that they can leave their own emotions and feelings untended. As a result, they can wind up feeling overloaded with other people's feelings and lost and alone when managing their own.
Added to this is the fact that most INFJs have trust issues and it's difficult for us to open up to people and share our real selves. This results in INFJs feeling lonely and isolated, and also internalizing this loneliness as a belief that something is wrong with us.
Infjs love their own company. In fact, they hate it having to share it with others. You need to remember that our social clocks vare off very easily, & if we spend even 5% of it socialising with others, we need 95% of time to recharge. The ratio is larger for us.
Alone time
This is not because INFJs are antisocial. Rather, alone time is as nourishing as food and water to the INFJ. It allows them to clear away the chatter of the world and focus on their own thoughts and feelings. It gives them time to reflect on their lives and process what they've experienced.
INFJs are introverts, and while they cherish meaningful friendships, they have little tolerance for people who don't align with their values. Most INFJs don't want a large circle of friends, and that's okay! However, many INFJs also struggle with feeling lonely due to their small or nonexistent circle of friends.
INFJs are sensitive souls who are easily overwhelmed, but they have their limits. If they feel stressed by their environment, or the people in it, they'll tend to cry or become very quiet and want to be alone.
When they're depressed or uninspired, they feel fatigued and drained. INFJs without a vision for the future feel listless and apathetic, as if they're lost in a fog and unable to find a light to guide them home.
They avoid conflict instead of resolving it.
INFJs are extremely conflict avoidant, which is a key reason why they struggle to maintain their romantic relationships. Instead of addressing problems when they arise, the INFJ tends to allow resentment to fester. Once it builds up, they explode or slam the door.
INFJs are, in many ways, an emotional sponge. Wired to think about feelings, relationships, and what's best for people, we tend to absorb the emotions of others even in the best of times. Unsurprisingly, that can leave us pretty exhausted — and that's true even if the feelings we're picking up are mostly positive ones.
INFJs are empathetic, patient listeners and loyal friends, but they may shut down when others push them too far. The Counselor personality has a cold, closed side, and it can be extremely hard to win them back as a friend when that relationship becomes strained.
Healing from trauma and dealing with past pain requires the INFJ to open up to true vulnerability. This means acknowledging the past — good and bad moments — and remaining open to healing and growing from these events.
INFP is the type most commonly mistaken for INFJ, and they use Ne as their co-pilot process. If Signs 1 and 5 are both sound true for you there's a very good chance you're an INFP.
In addition to being highly sensitive (sometimes to an extreme degree), many INFJs also struggle with high amounts of anxiety and depression. A lot of INFJs report that they experience a low-key depression running in the background of their lives, even when it appears that everything is going well on the surface.
INFJs usually feel happiest when they can be themselves and are accepted and appreciated for who they are. Finding deeply authentic people can sometimes be a challenge for them as they are not as comfortable putting themselves out there.
They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term. The heartbreak doesn't have to define the rest of your life and your other relationships (I'm currently working on convincing myself of this).
Since they're so tuned into their emotions (and the emotions of others), INFJs often seem too sensitive to other people. Since they're sensitive, they're more likely to share their emotions with people close to them. Unfortunately, some people read their sensitivity as weakness instead of caring.
INFJs are capable of mechanical memorization, but the amount retained this way is less than from memory based on understanding. INFJs are capable of accurately reproducing received information, especially if they associate it with any feelings.
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you.
INFJs preferring Quality Time and/or Words of Affirmation is also supported by a survey conducted by Heidi Priebe. According to Priebe's survey, 35.67% of INFJs list “Quality Time” as their preferred love language.
At just 1.5% of the US population, INFJs can be hard to find. Some of us will go our entire lives without running into one! But if you're bound and determined to encounter this, the rare blue diamond of personality types, here are some ways to increase your chances.
As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
The MBTI Personality Inventory
Being an INFJ comes with its advantages, but also its drawbacks. Lovable INFJs experience the same pain, struggles, and difficult emotions that others do—they often choose to do so in secret. This tendency may contribute to depression.