“There are three main ingredients that make a breakup healthy: deep reflection, good communication, and most of all, lots of self-love,” says Nicole. “In order for a breakup to be healthy, you've got to have space to process your emotions–both with the other person and even more importantly, with yourself.
Give yourself three months to begin to heal
One study, which evaluated 155 undergraduates who'd been through breakups in the last six months, found that 71 percent start to feel significantly better around the 11-week mark, or around three months.
Many couples who have called it quits end up getting back together. In fact, a 2013 study found that over one third of couples who live together and one fifth of married couples have experienced a breakup and gotten back together.
A study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology has found that a relationship breakup may feel so painful because it activates the part of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings. There's nothing sharp in the observation that breakups can send behavior a bit off the wall.
“There are three main ingredients that make a breakup healthy: deep reflection, good communication, and most of all, lots of self-love,” says Nicole. “In order for a breakup to be healthy, you've got to have space to process your emotions–both with the other person and even more importantly, with yourself.
' Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.
The most common reasons people break up usually involve a lack of emotional intimacy, sexual incompatibility, differences in life goals, and poor communication and conflict resolution skills. There are no wrong or good reasons to break up. However, some things in a relationship are just outrightly unacceptable.
The study, which surveyed 5,705 people in 96 countries, found that women may feel more immediate heartbreak at the end of a relationship, but men experience greater emotional trauma over time.
Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you're together and actively fighting through your issues.
It can be devastating when “perfect” couples break up because it causes us to believe dating is hopeless. However, the reality is that no one is perfect and there are often logical reasons that even the seemingly happiest of couples call it quits sometimes.
"If it was over something really trivial, for example, you may be able to patch things up in a day or two. If it was over something more serious, it's a good idea to take a month apart so that you have time to get your emotions in check and get clarity about the situation.
Set a reasonable time frame
Six months is a break up, not a break, the experts say. Anything from one week to a month should be enough time for one or both parties to determine whether they should stay together.
According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup.
While it is established that about half of all marriages end in divorce, it is commonly assumed that the breakups are initiated by both genders equally. In fact, it is surprising to most people that women are actually more likely to end their marriages than men.
One study found that only 10 percent of couples living together reunite after separating, and only 33 percent of those who do reunite will stay together. Interestingly, women who are more educated are less likely to get back together with a partner they've separated from.
A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.
"A break could be any length of time, but past a point, it becomes a 'breakup,'" says Dr. Steinberg. "If you don't want it to be considered a 'breakup,' then the break shouldn't be more than a season, or three months long."
Researchers at Binghamton University recently surveyed more than 5,000 people from 96 countries and found that when it comes to breaking up, no one emerges completely OK. When graded on a scale, men, on average, did feel less pain than women after a breakup—both emotional and physical.
The pain can be relentless but eventually the body chemistry will change back to normal and the hurt will diminish. Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that, and know that it will get easier.
Knowing when to break up with someone you love means knowing yourself. If you've tried your best to rekindle the romance but you just aren't feeling it anymore, it's time to say goodbye. Some feelings just can't be forced. As much as it might hurt, it'll be the right decision in the end.
You no longer communicate. Communication is crucial in every relationship, but especially romantic ones. Communication problems are one of the top three causes of marriage failure in America. If you're constantly fighting and seem unable to resolve conflict, that could be a sign of when to leave a relationship.
Stop trying to fix a relationship that has no intimacy.
This doesn't just refer to sexual intimacy but also emotional. As expected, the initial passion of any relationship tends to wear off. If a deep emotional connection doesn't replace this, that's when to stop trying in a relationship.