Codependency is when two people are locked in a life where they feed off on another, causing mental anguish. Narcissism is when one of the pair is self-centered, arrogant, and lacks empathy for their partner.
Narcissistic people often need someone else to inflate their self-esteem. They may need a continuous stream of affection and admiration to feel good about themselves. Some self-help websites refer to this stream as a “narcissistic supply.” Meanwhile, people with codependency are often hyper-focused on others.
One study showed a significant correlation between narcissism and codependency. Although most narcissists can be classified as codependent, but the reverse isn't true — most codependents aren't narcissists. They don't exhibit common traits of exploitation, entitlement, and lack of empathy.
The falsely empowered codependent may not admit their dysfunction, but they are aware of it, while the narcissist is entirely oblivious. You may as well be speaking a different language. The codependent almost always has an addiction, while the narcissist sometimes does.
Self-centered people can be empathic. Narcissists may fake it, but still essentially see others as pawns in their egocentric universe—and fail to make real changes. Self-centered people crave attention from others, and can reliably find a way to talk about themselves when they begin to feel neglected and unimportant.
Many people living with personality disorders don't recognize how these characteristics affect their lives, so they may not associate the distress they experience with any specific behaviors or traits. In fact, people with narcissistic personality often experience distress without realizing why.
People with narcisissm can also be codependent
Since both conditions are rooted in an unhealthy reliance on other people, it's common to have overlap. Those with narcissistic traits may fear abandonment from others who give them praise and admiration and could feel lost without relying on another person for validation.
Based on overlapping symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are often mistaken for one another.
The Co-Dependent Coercive Narcissistic Cycle: Initial charm, increasing criticism and abuse, coercion (threaten to withhold emotional, psychological, sexual, material, or financial support), gain compliance through duress, brief period of calm, repeat pattern.
“Codependency” is an outdated term that connotes weakness and emotional fragility, both of which are far from the truth. The replacement term, “Self-Love Deficit Disorder” or SLDD takes the stigma and misunderstanding out of codependency and places the focus on the core shame that perpetuates it.
People with NPD have an inflated sense of importance, an excessive need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. They often struggle to maintain healthy relationships and may experience difficulties in other aspects of their lives.
Habitual Non-Listening
Ever spoken with someone who responded dismissively to everything you said? Narcissists brush aside or deprecate what others say instead of truly listening.
Not every narcissist has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), as narcissism is a spectrum. People who are at the highest end of the spectrum are those that are classified as NPD, but others, still with narcissistic traits, may fall on the lower end of the narcissistic spectrum.
However, some studies have also pointed out that narcissistic characteristics may not only arise from childhood environments characterized by neglect/abuse, but also from environments in which a child is sheltered or overly praised [11,14,15].
The codependent manipulates themselves as well. Their need for perfection keeps them going in order to avoid failure. They often have two speeds: all or nothing. Manipulating Others – Their desire for perfection often seeps onto others.
So, again, following this law of natural attraction, narcissists are drawn to people with codependent issues. A narcissist seeks someone who will avoid upsetting them, who won't argue with them.
They're often introverted, sensitive, and prone to experiencing anxiety and shame. They may also struggle to maintain close friendships as they focus heavily on themselves, require attention, and are hyper-sensitive to perceived criticism.
That's because, in my experience, people who actually have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or a narcissistic style rarely wonder or worry about their narcissism. Narcissists generally: Have little interest in introspection. Wouldn't want to know, or even care, that they might be narcissistic.
They are punitive with money. Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.
It's normal and can even be a healthy personality trait, if it's mild and occasional. It's perfectly possible to feel or act a little narcissistic, even unpleasantly so, without having a disorder.
Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.