Have you ever thought to yourself “I love my therapist”? If so, try not to feel ashamed, embarrassed, or awkward about it. Falling in love with your therapist happens more often than you might think, and it can be attributed to a concept called transference.
Realizing “I love my therapist” can be scary! It may feel embarrassing, stigmatizing, or easily dismissed as “not real.” However, when it comes to therapy, having feelings of love for your therapist may be a good sign that therapy is working.
It's not uncommon for therapists to have feelings for clients, and vice versa—call it transference, countertransference, or something else.
Wanting your therapist's approval is common. Here are some potential reasons why and how to feel OK without validation. Whenever Emma Flint meets a new therapist, she craves their approval — even when she doesn't like them. While she wants everyone to like her, the need is different with therapists.
Hugs might be beneficial to your treatment, but if you're not sure, you can always ask your therapist. A qualified therapist will assess when hugs are appropriate and when they are not.
After you realize that transference is very common and not shameful, talk about your feelings with your therapist. Professing your love (or whatever emotion you're feeling) may be easier said than done, but it can help your therapist understand your issues and help you get the most out of your therapy.
So, rest assured that it's probably fine to ask your therapist how they're doing and other small talk questions, but Dr. Babbel says there are definitely some questions you shouldn't ask, like how old they are, or if they've ever been married.
So, to answer the question, “Is my therapist attracted to me?”– the context of their actions is crucial. The actions may include a shift in boundaries, such as allowing sessions to go overtime or taking your calls between sessions, or if they appear to seek out opportunities to touch you deliberately.
The therapy relationship is not different. Instead, it is actually a reflection of other relationships in your life. Therefore, you will grow attached to your therapist in much the same way as you become attached to others in your life who are safe and trustworthy.
Waichler explains, “The therapeutic relationship between patient and therapist is an intimate one.” Strong feelings and emotions are involved in therapy so it's not surprising many people develop romantic feelings for their therapist.
Being friends with a former therapist isn't forbidden, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Such a friendship may also make it difficult if you decide you want to go back to therapy again in the future.
“It totally makes sense for a person to be asking questions of someone with whom they're going to be sharing their intimate self.” The short answer to the question is: Yes. If you have a question, you should ask. Your questions are valid and likely relevant to the therapeutic process.
But more often than not, therapists really view transference as an opportunity to do some deeper work. So don't be afraid to tell them what's going on. Now look, obviously, if your therapist responds by reciprocating romantic feelings, then well, happily ever after.
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That said, tears are more often a sign of empathy—a normal, healthy, and sincere human process of relating emotionally to the experience of another. Receiving empathy can help us feel safe and understood, strengthening the bond of trust between therapist and person in therapy.
An interesting aspect of therapy is an experience called “transference.” Transference means that the feelings you have for someone important in your life are unconsciously transferred to another person—in this case the therapist. We all have feelings like that; it's quite normal.
Crying can be a sign of progress in therapy.
Crying can be a sign that you're moving forward in therapy and that you're starting to confront and process those difficult emotions. It's important to remember that therapy is a journey, and it's okay to experience ups and downs along the way.
YES. As your therapist / counsellor I do think of you, my client, outside the allocated session time. In the approach that I take, there are two real people in the therapy room. The therapeutic relationship is between two real people, who are involved in a purposeful process that is aligned towards client needs.
There's a long-standing joke that therapists are always asking their clients, “How does that make you feel?” and frankly, I do often ask my clients that question because it's necessary. In asking them how they feel, they are asked to examine their emotions and become more aware.
Transference is often (though not always) the culprit when you feel triggered, emotionally hurt, or misunderstood in a therapy session. One tell-tale sign of transference is when your feelings or reactions seem bigger than they should be. You don't just feel frustrated, you feel enraged.
It's normal to wonder about your therapist — you're sharing personal information and experiences with them, so it makes sense to want to know more about their life and experiences. It's okay to ask your therapist about their life.
There is no outright ethical prohibition against the giving and/or receiving of gifts within the therapeutic relationship. However, in certain circumstances a therapist may be subject to an ethics complaint or formal discipline for the giving and/or receiving of gifts.
So, among the very few things we would say you shouldn't tell your therapist are the chatty details of your day. Avoid the safe subjects you don't have any big feelings or deep thoughts about and the conversation topics you use to put others at ease in casual social situations.
There are various ways your therapist can hurt you or make you upset. Maybe your therapist has said something you weren't ready to hear, or they've crossed an ethical boundary. It could also be that you and your therapist don't have a strong therapeutic alliance and it's hard to feel like they're helping you.
Your therapist's relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don't communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session.