Because of the way it can impact your self-esteem, as well as the energy required to keep it going, an unhealthy relationship can feel like your everything — making it super difficult to leave. "For some, they see having an unhealthy relationship as better than not having a relationship at all," Madison says.
Why Leaving a Toxic Relationship Is So Hard. Leaving a toxic relationship can be very hard because of all the emotional labor and time spent trying to make the relationship work. It can feel like an internal failure, or that by leaving you are giving up on something you've invested in.
Many people describe being in a toxic relationship as being addicted to drugs — that's how problematic and controlling it can be. Many people are addicted to toxic relationships because of various factors like codependency, insecurity, or trauma bonds.
Toxic relationships are difficult because a lot of time they don't start out that way. They start off healthy and good and make you very happy. And the gradual shift isn't so much caused by the other person but sometimes two people together just stop being good for each other. And it's hard to step away from that.
In many cases, it's because this relationship is defining in their life; it's the only thing that they know to be true. Often, this is accompanied by the belief that they will be the one who will change this person. It's helpful to remember that bad relationships aren't usually bad all the time.
A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner's behavior is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves.
People who are in an unhealthy relationship frequently attempt to end it. But they don't in the end. It occurs because some people have low self-esteem and, due to that, they believe they have no control over relationships and situations. As a result, people choose to stay rather than leave.
She may stay because she grew up in a family where abuse was normal, making it hard to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy. She may stay because she loves him and he seems to regret the violence. She may want to try to make the relationship work and help him to change. She may stay because she blames herself.
Ultimately, healing from a toxic relationship isn't about following a set of predetermined steps. It's about learning new habits and equipping yourself with the tools to deal with things as they come. The journey isn't quick or simple, but it's always rewarding.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about.
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
Merging of identities. Those who suffer from toxic attachment usually have a history of unhappiness, disrupt or disturbance in their childhood. For this reason, they often form unhealthy bonding complexes, which can cause them to be clingy or seek to merge their identity to their partner's.
Many people feel that they may become trapped in a relationship. This fear can stem from trauma, attachment problems early in life, low self-esteem, and feeling smothered in a relationship. There's no “right way” to do relationships, and you may be pressuring yourself without realizing it.
A toxic relationship exists when a person fails to recognize the destructive dynamics they're subconsciously looking to play out with a romantic partner. This not only leads to an imbalance in the relationship, but it often limits an individual's personal growth.
As adults, they actually expect that love and pain are inseparable and that there is no other way to be. Unless they can muster up the courage to face separation to be able to leave those childhood limitations behind them, they may feel that there is no other way but to repeat what they've known.
People with low self-esteem also have low expectations, and low comparison levels. They do not expect many benefits from a relationship, but instead problems- so their low expectations are fulfilled and they stay in the relationship.
Gaslighting
Veasley says gaslighting is one of the most common forms of emotional manipulation and a toxic behavior you shouldn't tolerate. It's a good idea to identify ways to deal with gaslighting.
An abusive relationship can absolutely lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). To understand why this is, it is first important to understand what trauma does to the brain and how it can impact one's mental and physical wellbeing.