Girls apologize so much because they are conditioned to be more attuned to, and responsible for, how their behavior affects others. While girls are encouraged to be successful, they're also encouraged to use apologies and qualifying language to downplay their accomplishments.
Over-apologizing can happen for a variety of reasons. Some of the most common reasons, according to Jocelyn Hamsher, a therapist in Arizona, include: false guilt (feeling responsible for something you are not responsible for) carried guilt (feeling guilt for someone else's behavior because they don't feel guilt)
To be truly sorry means feeling regret or sorrow over an unfortunate situation and your role in it. But in unhealthy relationships, people often say, “I'm sorry” not to express genuine regret; instead, they use it to manipulate their significant other.
Often apologies can be seen as passive behavior, but not in the submissive sense, but rather in the non-aggressive sense. It can be behavior meant to soothe and calm you, even if you don't need calming or soothing, it can reflect his desire to not be perceived as a threat or unfriendly presence.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
When abusers apologize with the goal of gaining ultimate control of their victim, gaslighting is often the method they use. By apologizing, they place doubt in their victims' minds. “They apologized to me, so they can't be as terrible as I remember them being.”
The responses are usually referred to as the 4Fs – Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn and have evolved as a survival mechanism to help us react quickly to life-threatening situations.
Saying sorry means you value the relationship over your own ego. So if you're bad at saying sorry, take a step back and figure out why, then put your ego aside and just say it.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Toxic people will never apologise for their words and actions because they can't see anything wrong with them. They feel that they are the victim and will often twist and retell what happened to such an extent that they honestly can't see an alternative perspective.
“Over-apologizing can stem from being too hard on ourselves or beating ourselves up for things,” Dr. Juliana Breines, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rhode Island, explained. In addition to anxiety, another mental health disorder that can lead people to over-apologize is OCD.
Here are some inadequate examples. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced.
While an apology can help fix a situation and allow you to mend a hurt, it's possible to overdo it. Avoid apologizing too much or too intensely. It can be annoying for the other person, and it can shift the focus of your apology, making it more about you.
It's a way to emotionally abuse another person and victim-blame them for basically having feelings. This type of fake apology makes the receiver feel like their emotions aren't valid and that they're the one with a problem.
1. They add "but" at the end of their apology as a way to avoid taking responsibility for the topic of conflict e.g. "sorry but you made me do it." 2. They dismiss your emotions surrounding the topic e.g. "sorry, you're taking it all wrong."
But apologies are too often used as a quick fix for our uneasiness. When we focus more on our own discomfort than on the distress of the other person, our apology is selfish, and selfish apologies are usually ineffective.
An apology is a statement with two key elements. It: Shows you feel remorse over your actions. Acknowledges the hurt that your actions caused to someone else.
Saying you're sorry is more than just words. You're showing that you respect the other person's feelings. You value their friendship. Apologizing is a chance for you to be honest, humble, and act with integrity.
Developing a better understanding of apologies could improve your relationships. You've probably heard that women apologize more often than men. Well, studies show this is in fact true. On average, women say they're sorry more times in their lives than men do.
Intrusive memories
Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.
Fawning refers to consistently abandoning your own needs to serve others to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval. Fawning is also called the “please and appease” response and is associated with people-pleasing and codependency. “Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others.