It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. It hard to let go of that feeling, unless they do something reckless to unleash the anger, causing the borderline splitting to sabotage relationships.
It is now universally recognized by mental health professionals as a debilitating illness that affects every aspect of a person's life. Borderline personality disorder causes a broad range of reactions that can be considered self-destructive or self-sabotaging.
It is important to remember that while having a relationship with a person with BPD can be challenging, they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. Rather, they lack the ability to understand and cope with their emotional pain, which causes them to act in ways that hurt others.
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy – it leaves them feeling engulfed.
They have anger outbursts and become particularly volatile. More often than not, they're not intentionally manipulating others — hence the quotation marks. Although their actions appear malicious, they're just trying to get their needs met.
Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder
“We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”
The actions of people who have BPD can indeed feel manipulative. However, the word 'manipulative', with its pejorative suggestions of malicious scheming, does not capture the true nature of BPD-spurred behavior.
The destructive and hurtful behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain. In other words, they're not about you. When your loved one does or says something hurtful towards you, understand that the behavior is motivated by the desire to stop the pain they are experiencing; it's rarely deliberate.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
Remember that splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder - while it can be difficult not to take their words and actions personally, remember that the person is not intentionally trying to hurt you.
People with BPD are chronically unsure about their lives, whether it is with their family, personal relationships, work, or future aspirations. They also experience persistent uncertain and insecure thoughts and feelings about their self-image, long-term goals, friendships, and values.
These are people who do not have a clear sense of who they are, what they look like, and how they are seen by others. Moods are stormy, shifting, unstable as the person becomes easily offended and either angry or rageful even though others may think there is not reason for it.
While not one of the nine criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD), selfishness can be a symptom of the disease. Selfishness interferes with healthy relationships, worsens risky behavior and worsens addiction--all symptoms of BPD. How do we know when we're being selfish?
Stonewalling may also be a direct result of a disorder, such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism that causes someone to manipulate others by freezing them out. This behavior also becomes manipulative when, despite evidence, a person denies they are stonewalling someone.
It often stems from low self-esteem, negative self-talk, and related negative emotions, which are continually reinforced by the resulting failure.
BPD And Toxic Relationships
The quick changing nature of BPD symptoms (e.g., emotional peaks and valleys) can lead to conflict-filled, chaotic relationships that may develop into toxic relationships.
Adult patients with BPD experience a wide range of other psychotic symptoms in addition to AVH, including hallucinations (11% visual hallucinations, 8% gustatory hallucinations, 17% olfactory hallucinations, 15% tactile hallucinations [19]), thought insertion (100%), thought blocking (90%), being influenced by another ...
Personality disorders and pathological lying
Pathological liar signs can also be symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). With BPD, lying is often a way to avoid rejection or abandonment.
People with BPD are very sensitive to rejection. They may lie or exaggerate to cover mistakes or to maintain an overly positive image so that others will not reject them.
The Attraction
In the case of the borderline sufferer, when they first encounter the narcissist, they see everything they are not and cannot do. They're amazed by their confidence, as they recognise its absence in their own life. They find being involved with them validates their character, boosting their self-esteem.
People living with BPD often have an intense fear of instability and abandonment. As a result, they have problems being alone. The condition is also known for anger, mood swings, and impulsiveness. These qualities can dissuade people from being around someone with BPD.
Because of their overall pessimistic demeanor, they can easily feel slighted and may express this aggressively or hold it in and build resentment. Those with this type of BPD tend to view people in “black and white” terms (known as BPD splitting), so they are likely to hold onto a grudge after feeling insulted.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of the most damaging mental illnesses. By itself, this severe mental illness accounts for up to 10 percent of patients in psychiatric care and 20 percent of those who have to be hospitalized.