People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may cheat due to core symptoms like impulsivity, intense fear of abandonment, unstable self-image, and difficulty regulating emotions, leading to seeking validation, escaping pain, self-sabotage, or a need for excitement, though not all with BPD cheat, and it's a complex behavior driven by internal distress rather than malice.
Research has yet to show a direct connection between BPD and an increased likelihood of cheating. Rather, a hallmark feature of borderline personality—impulsive behavior—sometimes manifests as sexual preoccupation, early sexual exposure, casual sexual relationships, and promiscuity.
Studies often link compulsive cheating to impulsivity and high levels of sexual interest or behavior. Some people may also associate compulsive cheating with sexual addiction. Although these behaviors or traits have been associated with serial cheating, not everyone who experiences them will cheat.
Those with BPD tend to be extremely loyal and trustworthy. The condition comes with an intense fear of abandonment and because of this, those with it know what it is like to feel let down and betrayed.
This BPD fear of abandonment can lead to unstable and chaotic relationships. A person with BPD might go back and forth between idealizing someone one moment and then feeling smothered or devalued the next, leading to frequent conflicts. Their reactions are often intense, leading to arguments or push-and-pull dynamics.
Conversely, the individual with BPD may end the relationship abruptly and without warning. They may state that their partner is not meeting their needs or is not worth their time, and may move on to a new relationship without looking back.
Individuals with BPD can form meaningful and loving relationships with the right treatment and effort. Understanding and patience from partners, family, and friends, along with professional help, can significantly improve their chances of having successful relationships.
Loyal and Devoted
Yes, some BPD partners may be unfaithful, particularly if they act impulsively when emotionally dysregulated. The majority of the time, though, if they feel safe and loved in a committed relationship, they will value the safe haven you have created and they have sought their entire lives.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
Obsessive thoughts and behaviors in individuals with BPD can stem from several factors, including: Emotional dysregulation: People with BPD often experience intense emotions that can be difficult to manage. This emotional dysregulation can lead to obsessive thinking to cope with overwhelming feelings.
It may also be a symptom associated with certain personality disorders, including narcissistic, histrionic, antisocial, and borderline personality disorders. Finally, people with substance use disorders may be more inclined to cheat when they're under the influence.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
Previous litera- ture has identified characteristics of the partner involved in infidelity; this study investigates the Big Five personal- ity traits (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism) of uninvolved partners.
Hypersexuality can be a coping mechanism for individuals with BPD as they try to fill an emotional void or deal with intense emotions. Emotional instability and attachment: The emotional instability that characterizes BPD can lead to an intense fear of abandonment and difficulty forming stable relationships.
People with BPD often worry about how they look to others, so they may lie to conceal not meeting someone's expectations, like a boss or a partner. They might think their lies are harmless and may not catch up to them, which, as we've probably all experienced, some lies do and some don't (catch up to us).
It is important to recognize that BPD symptoms, including devaluation, can fluctuate over time and may occur in cycles. The devaluation stage may last for hours, days, or even weeks, depending on the person and the relationship dynamics involved.
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
Middle-aged adults with BPD were more likely to exhibit feelings of chronic emptiness and have higher degrees of social impairment. 4 They were less likely to have impulsivity, engage in self-harm, or have rapid shifts in mood.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Borderline Personality Disorder and cheating are not connected, though certain symptoms of BPD could drive someone to cheat. That said, if you and your partner are willing to work through the challenges of BPD and go to therapy, then there is no reason your relationship can't succeed.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
Some couples stay together for years, while others find the relationship too volatile to sustain. The BPD relationship cycle is a recurring sequence of emotional highs and lows that can repeat many times unless both partners seek support.
Curiosity – Being extra sensitive and connection emotions, senses and surroundings allows for greater curiosity in the minds of those with BPD. Bold – Impulsivity is a BPD trait that can be positively linked to being bold, courageous and having the ability to speak one's mind.