Fear of conflict. Usually, the longer you've been with someone, the more conflicted the process is. It is a sad reality that many men (and women) stay in unfulfilling relationships month after month, year after year, because they fear the pain involved in breaking up and moving on.
A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner's behavior is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves.
Partners in unhappy relationships tend to stay together because they hope things can return to how they used to be, or they try to change each other through criticism and critique, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.
More often than not, we return to someone we know is toxic because we believe that it feels better than processing the loss that comes without them. The collapse of a relationship is painful, and it's uncomfortable too.
Why Leaving a Toxic Relationship Is So Hard. Leaving a toxic relationship can be very hard because of all the emotional labor and time spent trying to make the relationship work. It can feel like an internal failure, or that by leaving you are giving up on something you've invested in.
Many people describe being in a toxic relationship as being addicted to drugs — that's how problematic and controlling it can be. Many people are addicted to toxic relationships because of various factors like codependency, insecurity, or trauma bonds.
The role models we grow up with are often the first source
We tend to repeat toxic relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and the like because of the role models we received as a child. The more aware we become of those patterns, the less likely we will continue seeking and repeating them unconsciously.
Toxic people can change, but it's highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else's fault.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
"Fear of being alone, fear of being rejected, and the fear of failure—these all apply to our relationships and why we continue to stay in them even though we aren't happy." Plus, many people choose to stick it out because they have a child or they still feel deep affection for their significant other.
She says that there are “self-focused” reasons why people choose to remain in a relationship – because of the time, resources and emotions they've invested in it, or because they don't have good alternatives – but the research shows they also make “pro-social” altruistic decisions to stay because they feel their mates ...
The answer often lies in boredom and opportunity. If a man is bored in his marriage or believes something is lacking sexually or emotionally, he may start looking for reasons to leave a relationship for someone new. Sometimes men run away when they fall in love, looking to rekindle the spark of singleness.
Merging of identities. Those who suffer from toxic attachment usually have a history of unhappiness, disrupt or disturbance in their childhood. For this reason, they often form unhealthy bonding complexes, which can cause them to be clingy or seek to merge their identity to their partner's.
People with low self-esteem also have low expectations, and low comparison levels. They do not expect many benefits from a relationship, but instead problems- so their low expectations are fulfilled and they stay in the relationship.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
In true love, there's no struggle in embracing the individuality of your partner. In toxic love, there is an obsession with trying to change your partner into someone you'd rather be with instead of loving them for who they are.
In true love, there is comfort in separate interests. We can have our own friends and meaningful relationships outside of our romantic relationships. We can pursue interests and ideas without fear of reprimand. On the other hand, in toxic love, there is total involvement in one another's lives.
Gaslighting
Veasley says gaslighting is one of the most common forms of emotional manipulation and a toxic behavior you shouldn't tolerate. It's a good idea to identify ways to deal with gaslighting.
Some of the physical side effects of a toxic relationship are disrupted sleep, poor nutrition, digestive issues, muscle tightness, fatigue/feeling constantly worn down, and immunity issues (getting ill more often).
Toxic relationships make you feel good.
Narcissistic and emotionally unavailable people are good at doing the things to make you feel like they care and love you in limited doses. They typically have a lot of experience in doing enough to make you feel secure and are capable of misleading even the smartest among us.
Unhealthy relationships may contribute to a toxic social environment that can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even suicide. It is important to recognize the warning signs and find ways to reduce or avoid relational toxicity. This is especially true for people recovering from a history of substance abuse.
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
Toxic relationships are characterized by a lack of trust, controlling behaviors, and frequent lying. Often one partner is prioritized instead of coming together as a team. While toxic relationships can, at times, be healed, both partners must be willing to adapt and work on the relationship.