The “aloofness factor”—looking desirable, in control, and yet, not being fully present—that unavailable men carry leaves the observer (typically a woman) feeling she has discovered an exotic jewel of wonder, and it leaves her wanting to come closer and to know more about him. 2. They provide intermittent reinforcement.
And because the brain also favors a sense of certainty, if we feel more certain in our insecurity than we feel in our security, we tend to be more attracted to emotionally unavailable men because they will bring out that insecurity inside of ourselves.
As a result, being with someone emotionally unavailable may feel safer because you understand on some level that you are not required to give your all to the other person. Furthermore, it's likely that you don't enjoy being open to criticism or that you lack a true capacity for empathy.
The main reason we attract — or are attracted to — emotionally unavailable partners is because a part of us is emotionally unavailable as well. The fact is, an emotionally connected partner is not going to stick around an emotionally inept relationship. Healthy relationships expect growth.
Emotionally unavailable men will flirt with you on a regular basis. Some of them will do this just so they can, once again, prevent their vulnerability from happening. Others will do it simply because they prefer the chase rather than the catch.
If they change the subject when you try and talk about your feelings, or if they become withdrawn, frustrated, or even annoyed, these are signs they are emotionally unavailable. Healthy relationships involve vulnerability and having someone willing to listen to you and help you through tough times.
If you're involved with an emotionally unavailable person, your relationship isn't necessarily doomed. Counseling is an option, but your partner may reject the suggestion, no matter how much you beg and plead. Consider yourself lucky.
You may just be getting the “sensation” of being in love without real risk. These relationships don't have a lot of depth or vulnerability. You don't have to know your partner on a deeper level, and he doesn't get to know you, either. You satisfy your longing for connection along with your need to protect yourself.
Many emotionally unavailable individuals struggle with issues of insecurity and low self-esteem. As a result, they often cannot sustain the deep emotional bonds that a healthy relationship requires.
The answer is yes! They can fall in love when they see the right person. Emotionally unavailable men would be ready to drop all their unhealthy behaviors so that they would not scare their love interest away. This doesn't mean that the emotionally unavailable man would get better immediately.
They're not affectionate (at least not consistently).
If your partner is emotionally evasive, your intimate life might be getting more mild by the day. Touch, compliments, and sex are all means to intimacy, which the emotionally unavailable person avoids.
Anxiety is about fear, and fear is one of the root causes of an emotionally unavailability: fear of intimacy, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, irrational fear of death and/or fear of being exposed as less than who they portray themselves to be.
Self-esteem: An emotionally unavailable person might have low self-esteem in their personal, romantic, or professional life, making it hard for them to be themselves.
Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance. Sadly, it means their friends will never fully know them.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.
One of the possible reasons why a man can turn emotionally unavailable is because of past hurts. When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt. Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you're doing the same thing again.
The “aloofness factor”—looking desirable, in control, and yet, not being fully present—that unavailable men carry leaves the observer (typically a woman) feeling she has discovered an exotic jewel of wonder, and it leaves her wanting to come closer and to know more about him. 2. They provide intermittent reinforcement.
This is the premise of trauma bonding. Some theories suggest this is our subconscious mind trying to resolve old wounds. Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you.
We become attracted to these waifs, these tormentors, these vessels of violence because we want to save them. It's in our DNA to be protective, to care for those we perceive as wounded. People who go after others who are damaged care more for other people than they do themselves.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
Have a conversation with your partner and make sure they understand that their emotional unavailability is a problem for you. Confirm that they are willing to do something about it. Make sure that they understand that they need to take responsibility for making a concerted effort to reach out to you.
Let go. Walk away and cold turkey it out. Start addressing why you can't move on from him and why you pursue men that are incapable of giving you relationships and why you think about being with them even when you're out on dates.
Emotional availability varies among individuals, regardless of their zodiac sign. While Capricorn, Aquarius, Sagittarius, Gemini, and Virgo are often associated with emotional unavailability, it's important to remember that astrology provides generalizations and that each person is unique.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.