Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Give a clear account of the infidelity without using vague language. Say "I had sex with this person on three different occasions," and not "I hooked up with this person a few times." Don't leave anything open to interpretation and don't try to soften the blow by lying.
Cheating can be a sign of deep relational issues
A cheater might suffer from extremely low self-esteem and a narcissistic view of seeing things. Some people have a tendency for attention-seeking and once they are satisfied with one person they might go on to another to fulfil their needs and validate themselves.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman. “They have to—otherwise the relationship will never be gratifying.”
They have low self-esteem.
This trait is a known risk factor for cheating, and often for these people, cheating can be a coping mechanism and an attempted means to feel validated, desired and needed.
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
Between one in four to five Americans have an affair in their lifetime. Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior.
Here's what we do know about the prevalence of cheating. A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported: a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs. nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together.
Some of the main characteristics of toxic relationships include emotional bitterness, abuse, physical abuse, lying and cheating, gaslighting, and dislike or distrust.
Relationships that begin with an affair don't usually last. This is often due to the foundation of the relationship being one of poor faith. Those in the relationship who started from an affair may eventually feel less satisfied, less invested, and less committed to the happiness of the other person.
Relationships can survive infidelity if both individuals are willing to do the work of processing their emotions and thoughts with the goal of healing from the infidelity together. Moving past infidelity takes time and patience, but healing can result in greater growth and resilience for the couple.
Relationship counselors have seen many couples persevere through cheating and the cheater never cheat again. On the other hand, the opposite happens just as often. According to some studies, someone who has cheated before is 3x more likely to cheat again in their next relationship.
Micro cheating refers to acts of seemingly trivial, inappropriate behaviors that occur outside of one's devoted relationship, often done unintentionally.
It does. It is possible to get over the pain and guilt and move on. However, learning how to stop feeling guilty about cheating wouldn't come easy. Sometimes you will think about what you've done, and you just want to forget about it.
So, “the case can be made for not telling your partner over a one-time indiscretion,” says Caraballo. That said, if you cheated—even if it was just once—he recommends finding a safe space to talk through the cheating with a trusted friend, loved one, or therapist.
We often think of infidelity as something that only occurs in broken, unhappy relationships, or when partners are feeling super desperate. But the truth of the matter is that infidelity can occur in even the happiest couple. And infidelity is more common than we would like to think.
Inherent Selfishness/Entitlement. Some cheaters, despite loving their partner and enjoying their relationship, feel they deserve more. Rather than seeing their vow of fidelity as a sacrifice made to and for their relationship, they view it as something to be worked around.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Infidelity can be traumatic, causing intensely painful emotions for the person who was cheated on. They may actually experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and emotional distress.
Dr. Carnes writes that in many cases of PTSD, infidelity causes new, distorted bonds to form between spouses. He calls these “trauma bonds” or “betrayal bonds.” Trauma bonds look different in every relationship.
Compulsive cheating disorder (also called serial cheating) is an unofficial term that often refers to chronic infidelity. People with this disorder may identify as being addicted to sex. Sometimes, they also experience issues related to substance use, personality disorders, or other mental health problems.