People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may seem selfish due to intense emotional pain, fear of abandonment, and difficulty regulating emotions, leading to impulsive behaviors or extreme reactions that inadvertently hurt others, rather than stemming from a malicious intent to be selfish; it's often a desperate attempt to cope with internal emptiness or unmet needs from past trauma. Their "selfish" acts, like intense relationship needs, are often misguided efforts to get emotional relief or connection, driven by a distorted view of others' intentions and a lack of "emotional skin" making them hypersensitive.
People with BPD are often on edge. They have high distress and anger levels, so they may be easily offended. They struggle with beliefs and thoughts about themselves and others, which can cause distress in many areas of their lives. People living with BPD often have an intense fear of instability and abandonment.
The Unstable Sense of Self in BPD
A person with BPD often grapples with a deeply unstable self-image. This means they have difficulty maintaining a consistent and coherent sense of themselves. Their interests, values, and self-perception can frequently change, making them unsure about their identity.
Yes, it is possible to be happy when you have borderline personality disorder (BPD). It is a treatable condition, and with the right help, you can learn to manage your symptoms and live a happy and fulfilling life. Seek professional help. The first step to managing BPD is to seek professional help.
Here are practical grounding techniques specifically tailored for managing BPD symptoms:
The 24-hour rule is meant to encourage patients to seek help from the therapist at earlier stages of a crisis while the therapist can still offer assistance and not after the patient has already chosen maladaptive behaviors.
Don't…
Offer Distractions. Redirecting the focus of the individual during a BPD episode can provide a helpful break from overwhelming emotions. Distractions allow them to regain control of their feelings and may help them calm down more quickly.
One isn't worse than the other. They're both lifelong mental health conditions that require medication and therapy. It's also possible to be diagnosed with both BPD and bipolar disorder. In those instances, it can be even more difficult to treat because the conditions can aggravate each other.
BPD splitting involves intense shifts in perceptions and emotions. People may quickly alternate between idealising and devaluing people, situations, and themselves. This can lead to unstable relationships, rapid mood swings, impulsive behaviour, and difficulty tolerating ambiguity.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) has been described as a condition of intolerance of aloneness. This characteristic drives distinguishing criteria, such as frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. Both BPD and loneliness are linked with elevated mortality risk and multiple negative health outcomes.
Some common types of delusions that may occur in individuals with BPD include: Persecutory delusions: Believing that one is being mistreated, harassed, or conspired against by others.
Curiosity – Being extra sensitive and connection emotions, senses and surroundings allows for greater curiosity in the minds of those with BPD. Bold – Impulsivity is a BPD trait that can be positively linked to being bold, courageous and having the ability to speak one's mind.
BPD can be a serious condition, and many people with the condition self-harm and attempt suicide.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
Many Autistic people are misdiagnosed with borderline/emotionally unstable personality disorder (BPD/EUPD), with most professionals preferring to accept the initial diagnosis rather than acknowledging the realities of what it means to be Autistic.
Clinicians can be reluctant to make a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD). One reason is that BPD is a complex syndrome with symptoms that overlap many Axis I disorders. This paper will examine interfaces between BPD and depression, between BPD and bipolar disorder, and between BPD and psychoses.
Although ADHD and BPD are both marked by challenges with emotional regulation, the consequences of emotional dysregulation tend to be more severe in BPD. As mentioned above, individuals with BPD may engage in self-harm, suicidal ideation, or suicide attempts to cope with their overwhelming emotions.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is a type of therapy specifically designed to treat people with BPD. DBT is based on the idea that 2 important factors contribute towards BPD: you are particularly emotionally vulnerable – for example, low levels of stress make you feel extremely anxious.
Jobs that draw on empathy, communication, and understanding, traits often strengthened by lived experience with BPD, can also be deeply rewarding. Examples include: Teaching assistant or education support worker. Counsellor, peer support, or mental health worker.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
Being married to someone with BPD can make you feel like you're being left alone with your worries and stresses. The stress and uncertainty associated with caring for the individual through their mood swings can take an emotional toll on a spouse.