Shame is a discrete, basic emotion, described as a moral or social emotion that drives people to hide or deny their wrongdoings.
Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises from the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper. People who experience shame usually try to hide the thing they feel ashamed of.
Shame is considered by experts to be a secondary emotion, or in other words, an emotion that is a reaction to another emotion. It's a negative, diminishing feeling, because it makes us feel small for feeling our other feelings – not just sadness and fear, but anger and a host of other “bad” feelings as well.
Shame has a central social component, and involves fears of being judged, criticized or rejected by others rather than just judging oneself. The origins of shame can almost always be tied back to past experiences of feeling judged, criticized, or rejected by someone else.
While basic emotions such as anger, surprise or fear tend to happen automatically, without much cognitive processing, the self-conscious emotions, including shame, guilt and pride, are more complex. They require self-reflection and self-evaluation.
Shame is one of the more painful emotions because it arises when those most foundational of human needs, the need to feel safe and the need to belong, remain unmet. Because it is so painful, we are compelled to find ways to avoid it if possible, to manage it when we must, and, if necessary, to neutralise it.
Shame is a social emotion, typically felt after failures, inadequacies, and moral or social transgressions (Izard, 1977. Human emotions.
Hence, shame has recently come to be identified in the trauma literature as part of a constellation of negative emotions (along with fear, horror, anger, guilt) that are common for trauma survivors in post-trauma states.
When we experience a traumatic event, shame and guilt are common survival skills we rely on. Like the flight, fight, freeze and appease response, these coping skills that are often meant for our survival, can leave us paralyzed.
Transient shame – this form of shame is very fleeting and often does not create significant problems. For example, when a person makes a mistake at work, they may feel ashamed for a while, but the feeling quickly passes. Vicarious shame – people can feel shame on behalf of another person, known as vicarious shame.
Two key areas of the brain are activated by shame: the prefrontal cortex and the posterior insula. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain associated with moral reasoning. This is where judgements about the self occur. The posterior insula is the part of the brain that engages visceral sensations in the body.
Shame can be a contributing factor to depression, anxiety, and co-dependency. [iii] People who are constantly ashamed may have emotional difficulties and may fight a mental battle each and every day. People who live with shame are less likely to take healthy risks.
Shame is a necessary human emotion that helps us develop a moral compass, but it can become destructive in our lives. It can lead us to believe that we have to be perfect or else we are not lovable. It can lead us to withdraw from others. It can lead us to be defensive and distant.
Key points. Shame is a social emotion, triggered by having done something, even privately, that violates a social norm or perceived expectation. Mild shame is normal but "core shame" disrupts emotional regulation and the development of a secure sense of oneself in relation to others.
Sometimes shame comes first and leads to depression. Unlike guilt, which motivates a person to change their behavior, shame makes a person feel as though change is impossible. This is because the person sees themselves as being the problem, a mindset that can lead to depression.
Shame causes people to hide from the sanctions of cultural norms, which leads to perceptions of brokenness or being bad (Arnsten, 2015). Empathy has the opposite effect. It creates a space where people can process their circumstances without shame's debilitating effects.
Depression
It really is the worst feeling, but it's also motivated some great art over the years.
Be aware of the physical signs of shame
Slumped shoulders, lowering our head, looking down, avoiding eye contact, hesitant speech patterns – these are clues that we feel unworthy and want to avoid letting anyone else see into us.
Toxic shame is a debilitating feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing, according to Taylor Draughn, licensed professional counselor in Louisiana. “People who feel toxic shame often feel like they're not good enough and are ashamed of themselves.
[4] reported that shame induces individuals to perform moral behavior to eliminate or attenuate their negative feelings, and to defend against a devaluation from others. Lewis [5] also viewed a threatened or damaged self as the central focus of experiences of shame.