Voice feelings
Your feelings matter too so it's ok to simply explain to your child that it hurt your feelings. You can also voice THEIR feelings. Validating feelings is actually one of my 6 Pillars of Gentle Parenting because it's just that important.
“The most important thing is just to notice when you get triggered and use your pause button: Stop, drop your agenda, take a deep breath and start over,” says Markham. Markham says that each time I correct my reaction, I'm lessening the power of the trigger.
Going to family counseling or therapy can help improve both your situation and mental well-being. Understandably, your grown child might not want to come to therapy, but it is okay if you come to a session all by yourself.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Maternal separation anxiety is a construct that describes a mother's experience of worry, sadness, or guilt during short-term separations from her child.
Parents are often triggered by their children because they believe their children's bad behavior makes them look like bad parents. If parents could look at their children's behavior as disinterested parties, as they usually do with their friends, their children's behavior would not have any power over their emotions.
Often when we get angry at our children, it's because we haven't set a limit, and something is grating on us. The minute you start getting angry, it's a signal to do something. No, not yell. Intervene in a positive way to prevent more of whatever behavior is irritating you.
Traumatic experiences can initiate strong emotions and physical reactions that can persist long after the event. Children may feel terror, helplessness, or fear, as well as physiological reactions such as heart pounding, vomiting, or loss of bowel or bladder control.
Children act out in rage when their feelings overwhelm them. Unexpressed fear, insecurity and frustration tend to drive a child's urge to be destructive or aggressive. Children don't want to be violent; it's scary for them when they lash out. But they struggle to self-regulate without our help.
While it's perfectly normal to find your child annoying occasionally, or dislike aspects of him or her, not liking them long term can usually be traced back to a reason, or sometimes several. There might have been a rupture in the bonding process.
Perhaps you were neglected or abused or had a competitive, controlling, jealous, demeaning, or toxic parent. Often, the very defenses people develop to survive such a childhood can cut them off from intimate and loving feelings for their own progeny.
Point out Ungratefulness
When you hear your child say or do something that shows an ungrateful attitude, point it out. Be specific without being insulting. For instance, avoid saying something like, “Stop being a brat.” Instead, say something like, “Complaining about not getting more presents is ungrateful.
Lack of trust
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
The legal definition of an unfit parent is when the parent through their conduct fails to provide proper guidance, care, or support. Also, if there is abuse, neglect, or substance abuse issues, that parent will be deemed unfit.
The short-term answer is usually yes. Children thrive in predictable, secure families with two parents who love them and love each other. Separation is unsettling, stressful, and destabilizing unless there is parental abuse or conflict. In the long term, however, divorce can lead to happier outcomes for children.
The good news is, it is never too late to heal things with your child. The older your child is, the harder it will be, because kids develop emotional armor and they lash out to keep you from getting too close.