This attachment style often stays with a person through adulthood, potentially impacting their romantic relationships, friendships, and other connections. Today, roughly 30 percent of people show avoidant attachment patterns.
Estimates suggest roughly 50 percent of the population is secure, 20 percent is anxious, 25 percent is avoidant and 5 percent is fearful.
Fearful-Avoidant, aka Disorganized Attachment
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is the rarest, and "develops when the child's caregivers — the only source of safety — become a source of fear," according to the Attachment Project, an attachment style education site.
Growing up with an avoidant attachment tends to result in a dismissive-avoidant attachment style in adulthood and 25% of the adult population displays this pattern of behavior.
Present study
Independent of culture, the secure attachment style is most frequent. H2. Regarding insecure attachment styles, the most prevalent attachment style in Mediterranean cultures (Italian & Spanish) is the preoccupied style, while in the Japanese culture is the avoidant one.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
The anxiously attached person craves more connection and closeness and feels triggered by the avoidant person pulling away. Meanwhile the avoidant person feels triggered by the anxious person's desire for closeness because they themselves value their independence and freedom and fear being consumed.
For this reason, and the fact that they find emotional closeness difficult, avoidant adults may be more likely to have a lot of friends rather than a few close ones.
People with a fearful avoidant attachment style have low self-esteem and elevated anxiety. They will be extremely hard on themselves and think that their inability to form close bonds is due to their own worthlessness or unattractiveness.
While the anxious person's fears of not being enough are validated, the avoidant person is safe in the knowledge their partner won't hurt them. It's a familiar — yet toxic — cycle.
Anxious and avoidant relationships are considered unhealthy or insecure attachments. They can often lead to relationships that cause you great anxiety, distress, or emotional pain. Alternatively, you can also form attachments to objects. These attachment objects can play a role in how safe you feel.
Most attachment specialists believe that the disorganized attachment style is the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat because it incorporates both the anxious and the avoidant styles.
"Disorganized attachment style is said to be the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat or change," Feuerman says. But it's important to know that your attachment style can shift over time — you can develop a secure attachment style by changing the way you act and think.
A fearful/avoidant attachment style usually develops when one's caregiver is also the perpetrator of abuse. As a child, this person has likely experienced abuse in the home, in the form of physical or sexual abuse, neglect, or a chaotic family dynamic.
These attachment styles are transferred to adult romantic relationships. Avoidants are not all narcissists but they do have an ability to detach emotionally from the relationship which triggers an “anxious” person's attachment anxiety.
Loving someone with an avoidant attachment can be difficult.
It's hard to provide the necessary support and devotion to a partner when very little is given in return. People even often wonder, “do dismissive avoidants feel love?” – and what's the point in expressing their affection to them if they don't.
As a general statement, all narcissists are love avoidant, but people can be love avoidant and not be narcissists. This can be confusing. Taking a closer look at each type of person will clarify the signs to watch for in any relationship.
Individuals with this disorder also find it difficult to trust or express their deepest feelings for fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss. Avoidant personalities often draw near to people they love or care about, and later pull away out of fear.
Emotional Intelligence and Avoidant Attachment
People with the avoidant attachment style are more likely than secure attachers to have low levels of emotional intelligence. This is especially the case when it comes to other peoples' emotions.
The short answer — is yes, they can. Avoidant individuals want and need love just like everyone else. They want to feel close to people and receive love from them. Avoidants can have happy and rewarding relationships, but research shows a direct connection between high levels of happiness and secure attachment.
Attachment Avoidance & Social Loneliness
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time.
They may seem emotionally distant and unstable, but their love can be genuine. In general, love avoidant people often become closer to love addicts. It is simply like the opposite attracts.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.