Trust is a BIG ONE for avoidants. So making active efforts to gain their trust is definitely something that will make an avoidant crave and chase you. But beware of the flip side. Because when trust is broken with avoidants, they may take a long time to recover from it.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
Make them feel secure by being trustworthy.
Since avoidants worry about rejection, they want to know they can trust you before they'll give you their heart. To build trust, always be there for your avoidant partner when they need someone to talk to, and make sure you follow through on what you say.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
If an avoidant starts pulling away, let them know that you care but do not chase them. It may be very painful to do this, but pursuing them is likely to make it take longer for them to come back. They need breathing space, to feel safe with their own thoughts and unengulfed.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
So they often try to keep people at a distance for as long as they can out of reluctance to take things to a deeper level. This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love.
Communicating with empathy, using “I” statements, and avoiding blaming and criticism are some of the ways to help avoidant partners feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, as well as change their behaviors in time. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Slow to text back
Dismissive avoidants don't like instant back-and-forth texting unless it's urgent or they're really interested. Their typical response is to take their time when texting back. To them, it doesn't matter when you text back as long as you do text back.
The reality is that in the early stages, an avoidant is likely to feel relieved when you stop chasing. But don't be disheartened. That's not because of how they feel about you. It's simply because they no longer feel like someone is making demands of them.
This means that anxious types pair with avoidant individuals because avoidant people behave in a dismissive way. In the same sense, avoidant people attract anxious partners who make them feel smothered. This confirms their belief in what a relationship should look like.
Love and affection incite feelings of vulnerability so are threats - avoidants avoid love to avoid hurt, and when they encounter reliable love are drawn to try to spoil it to prove to themselves it can't be real. They will hurt the people who show they care about them the most.
"The anxious-avoidant dating trap involves a destructive, no-win cycle between the anxious, connection-seeking partner and the avoidant, connection-resisting partner," Dr. Manly explains.
In general, love avoidant people often become closer to love addicts. It is simply like the opposite attracts. While one person craves love, another is hesitant! If you two are in talks of taking the next big step, it is time to think deeply.
Avoidant individuals may gravitate towards Acts of Service or Quality Time as their primary love languages, as these gestures offer connection without excessive emotional vulnerability.
Avoidant partners may avoid making long-term plans or talking about the future of your relationship. They may be vague or non-committal when asked what they want. When you propose a trip or activity that could bring you closer, they may say something such as, That might be nice, but avoid moving ahead.
In a Love Avoidants mind, intimacy with another person is equivalent to being engulfed, suffocated, and controlled. Too much closeness can literally cause them to feel like they are losing themselves, and yes, it can even feel like dying. (that is how intense their fears can be).
They're always looking for the red flags, and they will find them, so when you go no contact with the dismissive avoidant, don't expect them to reach out to you.
A dismissive-avoidant will shut down when approached with inconsistent communication. Over time a Dismissive-avoidant will stop trying to bridge the gap in emotional connection and slowly give up on the relationship.
Signs of Avoidant Attachment
They are likely to: Avoid physical touch. Avoid eye contact. Never or rarely ask for help.