A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.
“Typically, if someone's cheating, it's because needs aren't being met in a marriage or relationship," says Dr. Megan Fleming, licensed sex and relationship therapist. That can mean sexual needs — but it often means someone's emotional needs aren't being addressed.
What percentage of married men have affairs? As brutal and nasty cheating in a relationship may be, it's more common than most of us would like to believe. As per research on extramarital sex based on 9 years of data, 21% of men have reported crossing the line of infidelity at least once in their lifetime.
A man can cheat and still love his wife.
The roller coaster of emotions that follows the discovery of his infidelity can be excruciating for both of you. It is entirely normal to experience intense emotional pain in response to infidelity. You may feel like running away or want to know everything about the other woman.
Low sexual and relationship satisfaction, high sexual desire, and lack of love are the most robust predictors of infidelity. The gender gap in infidelity appears to be shrinking.
Look up the length of affairs on Google and apart from one-or-two-night stands, the consensus is that most run their course in six months to two years. Why? Here are some of the psychological underpinnings to affairs that sabotage their ability to become more than short or long exercises in acting out: 1.
Surprisingly, these full-blown affairs almost never start at a bar or club. Instead, they usually begin in much more wholesome environments: The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
Just because they're happy together, doesn't mean they're not sleeping with others. We would all like to believe that affairs are the refuge of the discontented, that only people in unhappy marriages cheat. But “happy,” it turns out, is not a sufficient antidote to affair.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
The Reasoning
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.
Affairs: Why They Happen. There is seldom just one reason for an affair. The state of your relationship, the stresses and pressures of your life (finances, kids, job loss, depression, etc.), and your personal belief systems can all influence your vulnerability to an affair.
According to the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), about 20% of married men report cheating on their spouses. Men in all age groups from 30 to over 80 are more likely than women to be guilty of infidelity in a marriage. Married men report their highest rate of infidelity in their 70s.
How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond.
According to a survey of 1,000 people on how affairs get exposed, 39% of the respondents said they were caught when their partner read a message or two on their phones.
Although infidelity in a relationship is often subjective, there are common signs that point to cheating behaviors in a boyfriend. These may include a change in mood, increased distraction, less importance placed on the relationship, or more time spent on devices, among others.
Many people who cheat on their partners use secret messaging apps, like Signal, which allow them to chat with others discreetly. Depending on the cheating your partner is engaging in, whether sexual, emotional, or otherwise, there are different apps they might use to cheat or hide their behavior.
Strong partners
Most cheaters are afraid of being alone. Contradictory by nature, a cheating mate is actually terrified of his or her partner leaving. A strong spouse who is willing to walk away and have a life outside of the relationship is a scary scenario for an adulterer.
If the cheater feels guilt or shame, they may respond with an emotional outburst, which can also be an outburst directly to you. This could be sobbing, screaming, or another expression of emotion to hide or have a cheating excuse.
As a therapist, it's comforting to know that so many men do feel badly about infidelity, and that they want to make things right if they can. Their regret doesn't make their actions OK, of course, but it does provide hope for the long-term success of their relationships.
Yet, most affairs usually end one of two ways: with divorce or a stronger current relationship.
Women are most likely to cheat on their spouse in years 6-10 of their marriage, while men are more likely to cheat after year 11 of their marriage. (There's even a day of the week when someone is more likely to cheat.) The factors that played the largest role in cheating were gender, religiosity, and marriage length.
Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week — your friends and co-workers.