Communicating with empathy, using “I” statements, and avoiding blaming and criticism are some of the ways to help avoidant partners feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, as well as change their behaviors in time. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
Barring individual differences, the prototypical fearful-avoidant seems to act just as the preoccupied person would in a relationship as long as anxiety levels are low. They both would crave constant attention, frequent contact, and expressions of love and intimacy.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Symptoms. A person with a fearful avoidant attachment style may crave closeness and reassurance from their partner, fearing that they will abandon them. In another instance, they may begin to feel trapped or afraid of how close they are with their partner and attempt to distance themselves.
They are ready for intimacy.
Avoidants fear intimacy. Exposing their bodies and souls to criticism and rejection is a constant fear. So if your love-avoidant partner has indicated that they want a more intimate relationship, understand this is the ultimate sign that they love you.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
Things You Should Know
If your avoidant partner opens up to you, reciprocates or initiates PDA, or tries to bond with you, they may be in love with you. An avoidant in love will commit to the relationship. They'll claim you as their partner and they'll introduce you to friends and family.
However, if a fearful-avoidant individual who is engaged in solid self-work connects with an anxiously attached person who is also mindful of personal wounds and needs, the relationship can develop slowly but surely in a safe, lovingly attached way that benefits both partners.
Can a Fearful-Avoidant Fall in Love? The answer is yes; fearful-avoidants have the capacity to love, just like anyone else. However, their attachment style may influence the way they express and experience love in their relationships.
The hallmark of having been raised by left hemisphere parents is avoidant attachment, which often manifests as a deep, lifelong loneliness, a tendency to push others away and a struggle to find life's meaning.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
Some researchers believe that there may be a link between fearful avoidant attachment and trauma. Traumatic experiences can cause people to become distrustful of others and to believe that they are not worth trusting. This can lead to a fearful avoidant attachment style.
They often seem daring and adventurous, and people might admire them for this reason. Remember, someone with this attachment style typically craves closeness and intimacy. Therefore with work, and an understanding of why they think and act the way that they do, they are able to love and accept love from their friends.
Withdrawal, feelings of depression, and cycles of negative self-talk may ensue. It's hard for those with fearful avoidant to separate and not allow a breakup to be a reflection of self-worth.
But the fearful-avoidant attachment style involves a combination of both feeling anxious for affection and avoiding it at all costs. A 2019 study1 published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy describes it as "reluctant to engage in a close relationship and a dire need to be loved by others."
Fearful Avoidant
They fear being isolated from others, but also push people away and are inherently suspicious. They may start fights or create conflict, but fear rejection. They have few close friends. They may experience “emotional storms” or be unpredictable in their moods.
Avoidant attachment style is an insecure attachment style. Avoidantly attached people generally have a dismissive attitude towards close relationships*. They are often uncomfortable with intimacy and may seem emotionally distant. They may also have difficulty trusting others and may be hesitant to get too close.
Many times the fearful avoidant won't reach out because they feel as if they're making a fool out of themselves. If they said something in the past that was really hurtful and damaging they won't reach out because they feel like the damage has been done.
Well, of course they do. It is just the fear in them that makes them leave the person. But, if they find a understanding , forgiving and non judgmental person, they are more likely to stay.
High levels of anxiety
Despite not wanting to increase closeness, avoidant adults desire to get their emotional needs met in a romantic relationship. They are anxious because they have a negative view of themselves. They don't think they are worthy of love and support of others.
This ability is very necessary for secure relationships, but it can be very tricky for fearful avoidants because they have been so badly hurt, rejected and abandoned by their own caregivers as children, so their nervous systems, even in adulthood, intentionally keeps them away from having stable, calm connections to ...