True loneliness is a painful, subjective feeling of distress from a perceived lack of desired social connection, not just being physically alone; it's an internal state where you feel disconnected, unseen, or misunderstood, even when surrounded by people, stemming from a gap between the relationships you want and the ones you have, often accompanied by feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, and a longing for intimacy or understanding.
There's a gap in feeling connected
“Loneliness is essentially the feeling of being uncomfortable or in distress when someone feels that there is a gap between the connection they would like and the connection they actually have,” said Dr.
In 1962, Richard Yates wrote a book entitled “Eleven Kinds of Loneliness”. But it was fiction. More recently, Sarah Biddlecombe, an award-winning journalist at 'Stylist', explained that there are four distinct types of loneliness identified by psychologists: emotional, social, situational, and chronic.
Feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone's experience will be different. Some people describe loneliness as the feeling we have when our need for social contact and relationships isn't met. But loneliness isn't the same as being alone. You may feel content without much contact with other people.
Feelings of loneliness may be caused by a lack of interpersonal relationships, physical isolation, and divorce.”
A recent privatelyfunded study of more than 20,000 American adults aged 18 years and over (Cigna, 2018) used a 20-item loneliness scale and found that loneliness levels were greatest in young adulthood (18-22 years old) and gradually decreased with age such that the lowest levels of loneliness were found in older ...
The state of loneliness is not merely related to the physical world or to others, but it has more to do with ourselves than with others. The book has divided loneliness into three core pillars, incorporating all that causes loneliness it is separation (from oneself), shame, and fear.
Loneliness is a feeling of sadness due to perceived lack of companionship, friendship, or any social bond or relationship. Sometimes people have friends, but still feel lonely—most often because they don't feel fully seen or understood.
The Different Types of Loneliness
James 4:8 - Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Psalms 25:16-18 - Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.
Toxic Loneliness
When our time spent alone negatively impacts our mental health, drains our capacity to care for ourselves and most importantly prevents us from seeking the support of others.
Deep loneliness shows up as persistent sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and feeling misunderstood, even in crowds, leading to social withdrawal, fatigue, sleep issues, low motivation, and a loss of interest in hobbies, often accompanied by negative self-talk, anxiety, physical aches, and unhealthy behaviors like excessive screen time or poor diet, indicating a significant gap between desired and actual social connection.
Scale and causes of loneliness and social isolation
Between 17–21% of individuals aged 13–29-year-olds reported feeling lonely, with the highest rates among teenagers. About 24% of people in low-income countries reported feeling lonely — twice the rate in high-income countries (about 11%).
When someone feels lonely they are more likely to try to distract themselves with other things in their lives. Loneliness can also lead to materialism; lonely people will spend a lot of money on unnecessary things, to try to fill the hole in their lives.
This page has some tips and suggestions for managing feelings of loneliness:
When you feel you have no one, you can talk to 24/7 crisis hotlines (like 988 in the US), therapists/counselors, online communities/forums, support groups, or even journal your feelings to process them, offering immediate or long-term support options for difficult times,.
When you try to connect or reach out, it's not reciprocated. You may also feel as though you're not seen or heard. Exhaustion and burn out when trying to engage socially. If you're dealing with chronic loneliness, trying to engage and be social with others can leave you feeling exhausted.
We can also feel lonely when we're not alone, which can feel counterintuitive and confusing. If you've been lonely for a long time (chronic loneliness), you might experience decreased energy, an inability to focus, insomnia, feelings of self-doubt, hopelessness, or worthlessness.
Young people most likely to feel lonely
The percentage was highest among 16 to 29 year olds at 33%, followed by 30 to 49 year olds (27%), 50 to 69 year olds (19%), and those aged 70 and over (17%). The source for the data is the Office for National Statistics.
Engage in hobbies: Pursuing activities you enjoy can be a great distraction from loneliness. Whether it's painting, reading, gardening, or playing a musical instrument, losing yourself in a hobby can bring a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Feeling lonely
Our loneliness and longing remind us that we are not yet all that we are meant to be. Seen from this perspective, it would seem that loneliness is indeed a gift; it proffers us the opportunity to recognize our own incompleteness and the invitation to accept our part in this work of creation.
Clinical relevance: New research links early-life trauma, particularly parental abuse, to greater pain, depression, and loneliness at the end of life.
While occasional feelings of loneliness are a normal part of life, persistent loneliness can impact mental and physical health. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers effective strategies to cope with and reduce feelings of loneliness by addressing negative thought patterns and promoting healthier behaviors.
God created human beings with a capacity for loneliness so that we would yearn for and find our all in him: In Genesis 2 God ordains the marriage of male and female as another aspect of his design for our aloneness.