Critical Thinking. The opposite of gaslighting is critical thinking, not validation or deference or coddling.
Unintentional gaslighting refers to when someone unintentionally tries to discount or deny your reality to make you feel crazy, confused, or doubt yourself. Traditional gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. While unintentional gaslighting is done without malice, it is still a form of mental abuse.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
Things to say when you're being gaslighted:
“I hear that your intention was to make a joke, and the impact was hurtful” “My feelings are my feelings; this is how I feel” “This is my experience and these are my emotions” “It sounds like you feel strongly about that, and my emotions are valid too”
The idea seems to be that validation is the opposite of gaslighting: Gaslighting makes you doubt what you think, while validation affirms what you think. But this approach assumes that what you think about yourself is correct.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
Invalidating means telling someone they shouldn't feel a certain way. Gaslighting, on the other hand, makes someone believe that they do not actually feel that way. A combination of the two could have long term effects such as self-doubt, paranoia and anxiety among other traits that display a lack of confidence.
In fact, some therapists call the silent treatment a form of gaslighting, used to cause personal uncertainty, and a sense of doubt when considering goals, self-views and worldviews.
Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting
They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
Their apologies are always conditional When someone says, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” that's not an apology; the other person is not taking responsibility for their behaviour, they're simply manipulating you. Gaslighters will only apologise if they are trying to get something out of you.
Someone who breadcrumbs wants to flirt and spend time with someone else, but struggles with commitment. They don't necessarily know how to do the work required to maintain a healthy relationship. Gaslighting is an intentional attempt to distort someone's perception of an event or situation.
Its verb form is to gaslight (e.g., to gaslight the public), taking a past tense of gaslighted or gaslit. The term is used to describe toxic or unhealthy relationship dynamics involving power and control.
A person can gaslight you without realizing it. The motivation behind gaslighting (and other forms of manipulation) is to have control and to avoid taking responsibility and getting into trouble. This drive can happen on an unconscious level and the person may not realize why or what they are doing.
Unconscious gaslighting
“Shadow gaslighting” is when these disowned parts of ourselves manipulate people in our lives in order to serve their own purpose. An unconscious part of self expresses itself and pursues its own agenda but goes unacknowledged in our awareness.
The best way to destroy a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. They enjoy getting a rise out of you, so it's frustrating to them when they don't get the reaction they expected. When they realize you don't care anymore, they will likely try convincing you they'll change, but don't fall for it.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
One of the most common reasons people gaslight is to gain power over others. This need for domination may stem from narcissism, antisocial personality, or other issues. Like most cases of abuse, gaslighting is about control. As gaslighting progresses, the target often second-guesses their own memories and thoughts.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Stonewalling and gaslighting are both forms of emotional manipulation. The person who stonewalls will try to make it seem like you are overly emotional. The person who is gaslighting tries to make you think you are losing touch with reality.
“With gaslighting, the goal is to make you question your sanity, while in disagreements, the goal is to come to an agreement or have their perspective seen,” says Tran.