As the oldest daughter enters adulthood, she may experience sadness and depression without identifying a reason for either. This state can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as personality disorders and free-floating anxiety.”
This is eldest daughter syndrome: the unofficial, unpaid role of managing the family dynamic, foisted upon women from a young age because they have the emotional intelligence and age advantage — or rather, disadvantage.
Oldest child syndrome refers to a number of characteristics people develop as an outcome of being the first-born. For instance, following the birth of another baby, the firstborn goes from being the “only child” of their parents to having to share their parent's love and attention with a younger sibling.
Obsession, desire for perfection, high self-esteem, or pressure to meet parents' expectations are common signs of oldest child syndrome. Children with oldest child syndrome could show dominance and act as second parents to siblings.
“Firstborn children can be goal-oriented, outspoken, stubborn, independent, and perfectionistic,” Smelser says, and when you look at the way firstborns are nurtured, it starts to make sense why. “These traits are often reinforced by parents through their interactions with the child,” she says.
As the oldest daughter enters adulthood, she may experience sadness and depression without identifying a reason for either. This state can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as personality disorders and free-floating anxiety.”
Eldest daughter syndrome is the burden felt by oldest daughters because they're given too many adult responsibilities in their family before they're ready. Eldest daughter syndrome can make women feel overburdened, stressed out, and constantly responsible for others.
Oldest Child - “The Achiever”
As a result, firstborn children tend to be responsible, well-behaved, and possess strong leadership qualities. The oldest children are often held to a higher standard than the later-borns. They are the first of everything, and their parents are going through it for the first time, too.
According to Adler, the first born is more susceptible to depression because of high expectations of parents and suddenly losing the attention due to another sibling being born.
Spend individual time – Each parent should seek out the undivided attention of the oldest child in a casual, friendly way. Oldest children need the chance to talk with parents without feeling drilled on their homework or other responsibilities, plans for their future or household chores.
These findings may seem surprising if you've never had an 8-year-old, but there are some reasons a child's eighth year can be especially challenging from a parent's perspective. Eight-year-olds can be stubborn, slamming doors and rolling their eyes, in their attempts to establish their independence and individuality.
Feeling invisible to a sibling with special needs is one experience that social scientists describe as the “well sibling syndrome.” Kids who have siblings with cognitive delays, physical disabilities or mental health issues can feel ignored or defined by their sibling's special needs.
But back in the Philippines, the women's eldest daughters often have to step up as “surrogate” mothers and run the household. In this process, eldest daughter syndrome reproduces domestic gender inequality across generations and offloads such inequality from one part of the world to another.
The Science Behind Daddies & Daughters
According to scientists, there is indeed evidence to suggest that firstborn daughters tend to resemble their fathers.
Firstborns tend to possess psychological characteristics related to leadership, including responsibility, creativity, obedience and dominance. They are also more likely to have higher academic abilities and levels of intelligence than their younger siblings.
They are expected to be the holder of the family values and guide their siblings, so there is a higher expectation usually because of that. Sometimes it's more explicit and sometimes it's less explicit, but that's often why the oldest child feels a lot of pressure,” she says.
Previous studies in the US have indicated that first-born adolescents are more likely to have higher self-esteem than other siblings and only children (18), whereas middle-born adolescent males are found to have lower self-esteem (19).
“Parents are definitely harder on their firstborn children,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy. D., a child-and-family psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent. “In a way, the firstborn child is a guinea pig — practiced on.
On TikTok, many eldest daughters describe feeling like they have had to grow up more quickly or even forfeit their childhood to substitute for their parents. "This is called parentification, and girls can be more likely (although it's not always the case) to take on this role," says Tyler.
This is eldest daughter syndrome: the unofficial, unpaid role of managing the family dynamic, foisted upon women from a young age because they have the emotional intelligence and age advantage — or rather, disadvantage.
Most unresolved childhood trauma affects self-esteem and creates anxiety. Did you suffer a serious childhood illness? If so, you were likely isolated at home or hospitalized. This meant being removed from normal social activities and you probably felt lonely, maybe even worried about being different.
What does childhood trauma in adults look like? Childhood trauma in adults can impact experiences and relationships with others due to experienced feelings of shame and guilt. Childhood trauma in adults also results in feeling disconnected, and being unable to relate to others.
In addition, parentification can be parent-focused or sibling-focused. Parent-focused parentification describes caregiving directed toward the parent or primary caregiver. Sibling-focused parentification indicates that the child or teen has taken a caregiving role toward a sibling or siblings.