Step 9 of the 12 Steps, from programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), is to "Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others," focusing on actively repairing harm caused during addiction by taking responsibility, paying debts, and asking for forgiveness, while being mindful not to create further pain.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
What is Step 9 of AA? Step 9 of AA is about making amends, which is more than just saying "I'm sorry." It means recognizing the impact of your actions, taking responsibility for your mistakes, and making a commitment to doing better.
For many people, Step 9 is one of the most difficult of the 12 Steps because it's hard to set things right, especially with those you've hurt in the past. However, as difficult as it is, this step is a vital part of the healing process.
In Step 9, you take action—making direct amends wherever possible, unless doing so would cause more hurt and harm to the person you're making amends to. This process can feel overwhelming. But it's also a deeply healing way to rebuild relationships, restore your integrity and move forward with a clearer conscience.
Remember, Step Nine says to make amends “unless doing so would injure them or others.” Some people who have suffered because of your past choices may not want to hear from you, and this is something you must accept. You should also ensure that making amends remains a priority until you complete Step Nine.
There is a difference between making amends and offering an apology. An apology is when you just say, "I'm sorry" to someone you've hurt. When you make amends, you take action to right the wrong that you've done and restore the balance with the other person.
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) philosophy, the only two "sins" (or spiritual mistakes) are interfering with the growth of another human being and interfering with one's own growth, as described in the Big Book. These concepts focus on hindering spiritual and personal development, both in oneself and others, rather than specific moral transgressions.
Health Failure Deaths due to Long-term Excessive Alcohol Consumption. The vast majority of those who pass away from the long-term effects of excessive alcohol consumption pass away due to alcoholic liver disease. In nearly all categories, alcohol causes health failure most prominently via the liver.
After his divorce from Angelina Jolie in 2016, Pitt turned to Alcoholics Anonymous, where he found connection, structure, and support in a way he hadn't expected. “Men sharing their experiences, their foibles, their missteps… and a lot of humor with it. I thought it was a really special experience.”
Because active addiction means being chronically under the influence of a substance, people often act in ways they later regret. This is one reason making amends is part of the steps in AA and NA. But even if a 12-step fellowship isn't the route you take, making amends can be an important part of recovery.
I know now that I was abusive to you for a long time throughout the course of our marriage. I want to write this letter to you to tell you that I'm sorry for all the times I made you feel threatened and afraid. I was wrong. You did not cause me to do this or deserve to be treated that way.
The core principle of Step 9 is to clear your conscience and make amends without expecting anything in return. It's important to note that Step 9 emphasizes making amends “wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” This means considering the potential consequences of your amends.
Be Specific: Avoid blanket apologies like, “I'm sorry for everything.” Instead, focus on specific instances of harm. Take Responsibility: Share actions you're taking to address the harm caused. Avoid Excuses: If someone is open to amends, they will listen and work with you to rebuild the relationship.
Step 9 Explained
However, because you also must take care of your health and recovery, it's vital to wait until you're truly ready to deal with the consequences of your amends to complete Step 9. You might attempt to make amends to someone who refuses to speak with you because of ways you've harmed them in the past.
The spiritual principle behind this step is justice. A SOZO Client's Point of View: “Step 9 is where we make direct amends to people, in person, wherever possible. When we do this, we should resist the temptation to blame others, whether they “deserve” it or not.
Each time your liver filters alcohol, some of the liver cells die. The liver can develop new cells, but prolonged alcohol misuse (drinking too much) over many years can reduce its ability to regenerate. This can result in serious and permanent damage to your liver.
Individuals in their early to mid-twenties are the most likely to abuse alcohol and suffer from alcohol use disorders. The younger that an individual starts consuming alcohol, the more likely they are to develop alcoholism later in life. This is especially true of individuals who start drinking before 15.
The 1-2-3 drinking rule is a guideline for moderation: 1 drink per hour, no more than 2 drinks per occasion, and at least 3 alcohol-free days each week, helping to pace consumption and stay within safer limits. It emphasizes pacing alcohol intake with water and food, knowing standard drink sizes (12oz beer, 5oz wine, 1.5oz spirits), and avoiding daily drinking to reduce health risks, though some health guidance suggests even lower limits.
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), "Rule 62" is a humorous but profound guideline that advises members to "Don't take yourself too damn seriously," encouraging a lighter, more humble approach to recovery and life, emphasizing fun, laughter, and not letting ego disrupt the group or the journey, as explained in AA Cleveland and Experience Recovery. It's a reminder that recovery isn't about being gloomy but finding joy and that even small achievements don't warrant excessive pride, promoting self-effacement and community harmony.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. You don't need to be in a Twelve Step recovery program to feel the power of the Serenity Prayer. The simple but profound message speaks to anyone facing uncertainty, loss or change.
Referring to a person who is “dry drunk” is describing someone sober but not in recovery. They may still be behaving as if they were still drinking alcohol, or they may develop new unhealthy habits or mindsets. Ultimately, they are not learning or utilizing skills to help them stay sober.
Such apologies suggest the person is apologizing only because someone else suggested it. You're left wondering if the narcissist even believes they did something wrong. The Takeaway Apology: "I am sorry but..." “I am sorry, but other people thought what I said was funny.” “I'm sorry, but you started it.”
When Not to Make Amends and Why
A meaningful apology communicates the three R's: regret, responsibility and remedy. While your intention may not have been to cause harm, you recognize that your action or inaction nevertheless did hurt this person. This regret needs to be communicated.