While you may think a friendship will last forever, it's common for some friends to fade. Sometimes, a disagreement or falling out creates a gap between friends. Other times, commitments like work, distance, or family result in a friendship slowly fading away without animosity.
Betrayal. While most friendships slowly fade out of existence, occasionally they go out with a bang, and people explicitly say, “This friendship is over.” According to Bill, the most common cause of the hard break in a friendship is betrayal.
Friends drift apart for a range of reasons – maybe your bestie has been spending more time with new friends, they may have started a serious relationship, or you may have no idea what has changed. While it's normal for relationships to change over time, it can still be hard to adjust to.
Circumstances: Your lives have changed (no longer working together, going to the same school, etc.). Distance: You've grown apart in terms of interests or commitments. Lying: Your friend is deceitful. Negativity: Your friend spends more time cutting you down than building you up.
While people have known for years that friendships are unquestionably good for your health, experts say it's only natural for acquaintances and even friends to fall by the wayside as time goes on – and it's nothing to feel guilty about.
One of the most common reasons great friendships don't last is because our lives are constantly changing. We may get married, have kids, move, get a new job, or some other big event and as a result it changes both us and our friends.
Losing friends is a regular part of life. In fact, one 2009 study found that people, on average, lose about half of their friends every seven years. One of the most common reasons those relationships end is because they just fell through the cracks, Franco says. "Things fizzle out," she says.
Friends may come and go but if you find that more of them are leaving these days rather than staying, the problem may be something you are doing. While one or two friends might decide to move on for their own reasons, a habit of losing friends usually means you have a problem you haven't been real with yourself about.
If a friend's attitude toward you has changed radically, it might be a sign of a deeper problem like depression or bipolar disorder. If you really think that your friend might have a medical disorder, encourage them to seek professional advice.
Sometimes friends simply drift apart; their life circumstances may change suddenly, as in the case of marriage, a new job, moving city or becoming a parent. It's natural when friendships are altered by such life events. However, sometimes you drift apart simply because you're growing in different ways.
Maintaining a lifelong friendship isn't easy. In fact, a 2009 Dutch study found that a large majority of friendships only last about seven years. Like any relationship, friendships take work if you want them to last.
In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: almost half (49%) report having 3 or fewer close friends. over one-third (36%) report having between 4 and 9 close friends.
One of the biggest challenges when experiencing a friendship ending is not having that person to lean on. Focus on scheduling activities and reconnecting with loved ones (but avoid bad-mouthing your situation to mutual friends). It may also help to reach out to a therapist, who can help you sort through your emotions.
They're never around in difficult times
So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn't truly care about you.
There are a ton of reasons why a friendship can fade, fizzle or flat-out end: you've grown apart, you no longer have common interests, you disagree fundamentally with their actions and behaviors, you've moved on from the very thing that connected you in the first place.
Lifelong friendships are special, but they don't happen by chance. It takes effort and loving commitment to build a lasting friendship. Being friends for life takes resilience, acceptance of change, deep appreciation, and a focus on what you share rather than differences.
“Toxic friendships happen when one person is being emotionally harmed or used by another, making the relationship more of a burden than support,” says Suzanne Degges-White, author of Toxic Friendships. A bad friendship can increase your blood pressure, lower your immunity, and affect your mental health.
Though every bond evolves in its own way, I have come to believe that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.